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OT Scientist
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Dear Bill, Steve and Dwayne,
My name is Brian, I’m a 24-year-old man from Toronto, Ontario, and I have an experience with True Forced Loneliness that I would like to share with you.
At one point in my life, I started to get this feeling like maybe I wanted someone special in my life. However, try as I might, I was just met with rejection and ridicule. For the next year and a half I would meet girls at parties and other social functions, and was judged simply based on my looks, and got nowhere. I was short and skinny, with disproportionately large feet and hands, and despite how thin I was I had a very round head. Imagine a Pez dispenser with arms.
So, I was continually striking out with girls and I couldn’t figure out why. It seemed like there was nothing I could do to make them see the real me; the funny, sarcastic, less-vengeful version of my current self.
With all the time I had not being spent with girls, I got into wrestling, swimming, rock climbing, playing the guitar, as well as a host of other activities, all the while trying my damnedest to meet that special someone. I just couldn’t seem to make it happen. For a full year-and-a-half I was alone despite a constant quest for fulfillment.
Of course, I should have mentioned that at the time I was 14, 4’10” and about 90 pounds. Well, wouldn’t you know it, puberty started its magical course and a year and a half later I was 5’9”, with solid muscles from all the sports, and I was playing in a few bands. All of a sudden, I was in pussy paradise. From then on the rest of high school was kick-ass. I got taller and stronger, kept up with the sports and guitar, and kept on fucking different girls.
Then university hit, and what can I say? Holy shit. Every Thursday and Saturday me and my friends would go to a bar or club, meet some girls, and wouldn’t you know it? There would be frequent sex with a variety of partners. Sometimes, there would be weeks where I would fuck 4 different girls in rotation. Hell, there were times where I’d lay 3 in a day. And trust me, some of the shit these girls say and let you do would make your head spin. Have you ever been fucking a girl standing up from behind and had her tell you to “remind her how much [she] love[s] being ass-fucked”? Man, those were the days. I remember this one time I was having a threesome and one of the girls started licking my balls as I fucked the other one, only to later pull out and bust a nut on her face. Good times, really.
Well, that’s all cooled off now. I’ve graduated from university (undergrad at least) and these days I live with my girlfriend. I mean, it’s not that great aside from the daily sex and the companionship, know what I mean? It’s like sometimes I wish I could just be alone and masturbate and cry and make YouTube videos about how there’s no one for me. I wish I could spend my time with old dudes “researching” how women are acting to collectively destroy the egos of men. Sometimes, I wish I could make up “technical” terms for things that equate to little more than an emotional disorder, and could likely be “cured” by a hooker.
What’s funnier still, is that I wish you three would take a look at someone like me, who is by no means good-looking, but has still managed to go open-season on the pussy through little more than developing talents and character.
And that's the moral of my story. You meet women through going places, and you spur their interest through having character.
Dwayne, you're the one with character. Bill and Steve are too fargone to make it, but I have hope for you, man.
Love,
BrianFantana.
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I Told You So has a brother, and his name is Shut the Hell Up.
http://www.myspace.com/sofakinglabs
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