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Lafeverish
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And all your haikus...
Your winner:
You have earned a teaching degree
So I'm sure that you'll have to agree
The Spider's Thai plum
Makes young women cum
While you look like Steve Lombardi
The rest...
UFC 77 was the same old story
Nasty Karma for destroying Nate Quarry
Proverbial "Will was imposed"
time to reconstruct Rich's nose,
Now he'll Watch traffic, and take personal inventory
Queue round two between the Spider and Ace,
It seemed that one would be put in their place.
Fists and knees flew,
And gameplans which blew,
Meant re-rearrangement for Rich Franklin's face.
There was a gorilla from Maine
Who wore an expression quite pained
With his flag in tow
He expected the crowd to go
Bananas but instead they refrained
Cincinnati played host to Wandy
But the undercard wasn't so dandy
Silva's knees got nasty
Rich needs rhinoplasty
And Rogan forgot to mention Randy
Twas the UFC just east of Kentucky
Where Rich Franklin was hoping to get lucky.
But with friends in the stands
He felt Spider's hands,
For Rich, Silva's like Rampage to Chucky.
Black arm-barred like a magician
Grice fought in a war of attrition
And the world got to see
Ohio gives out degrees
Even if you can't do simple addition
It was clear from the opening glance
That Ace standed not much a chance
From knees and 'bows
Rich broke his nose
So exciting Rogan shit his pants
A battle fought 'tween Goliath and Dave,
Although Goliath a Mohawk did shave,
They fought and I snored,
As did the crowd, bored,
... Should have dropped E and gone to a rave.
Did Goldberd & Rogan just try to make us feel sorry for the 'Maine-iac?'
Sorry homie, but he looks like 3 pounds of oatmeal in a 5 pound sack.
Leave it to Dana to make sure the UFC signs the best.
Who needs Fedor when you got a pro-wrestler with a viking dildo tatooed on his chest?
Well hey, at least this time Chuck wasn't in the crowd, high on crack.
There is a giant named Timmy,
Whose midsection tends to shimmy
He passed Vera's test
After Goldberg stressed
When it comes to love he says gimme!
Poor Franklin really did try
But the Spider would not comply
He knocked Ace out,
There wasn't a doubt
Hey, where was Rich's black eye?
There once was a man named Rich Franklin
Whom the UFC put their bank in
He was a coach on TUF
but that wasn't enough
For the Spider gave him the same spankin'
There once was a man named Ace
Who took a few knees to the face
In Wyoming he'd train
And pick Matt Hume's brain
but the Spider put him in his place
On the UFC in the Queen City,
Tim looked like an oaf who deserved pity,
But with a hand that broke,
The Truth never awoke,
And Tim got the win by ringside committee.
Rich Franklin’s attempt proved to be in vain
The Spider’s still master of his domain
The doc’s stomach was weak
Starnes broke his vomit streak
Rogan’s hopes of shrinkage for Vera remain
There once was a number one fighter
Until he met a Brazillian named Spider
Who did the Spider Dance
Until Rich crapped his pants
Next time he'll need to clinch his cheeks tighter
Sylvia "Leaned and Prayed" a decision
Starnes looked like he was in a collision
An actor got signed
And while the judges weren't blind
There was a scorecard in need of revision
I lost fifty bucks cause' of Silvia again
And soon after after getting the win
Though it seemed like a stretch
He called out big "Chech"
Now hurry up, Breen, and send me Pride 10!
At seventy-seven Ace did inevitably pay the price
Choosing to pray to the heavens not once, not twice, but thrice,
Instead prayers should have been directed at the rear of the place
Towards the upper lip of one referees face,
It is no mystery that the Mazagati mustache is the second coming of Christ.
Where a Spider's relationship to an Ace is predatory.
And Big Tim showed tenacity,
In challenging The Truth's Vera-city,
While hometown boys, as expected, performed poorly.
We watched a SAW 4 preview instead of an extra fight,
And SAW 3 TUF guys instead of Black vs. Grice.
But I guess what we SAW 2,
Made us cheer 'cause we SAW them lose.
(Except Bonner, who like the SAW 5 trailer, will hopefully be seen next on SPIKE.)
We once had a champ named R. Couture.
Off whose picks you could base yours and feel secure
But the lack of a good pre-fight analyst,
More than his champion status was missed;
He was ignored, nor were there mentions of Fedor.
Middleweight champion Anderson Silva,
Known for myriad strikes -- delivered a little iller.
He flew to "Ace" Franklin's hometown,
Punches and knees left Rich's dome crowned,
In less than two rounds, solidified as a division-killer.
The spider ruled the stadium,
With his knees of titanium,
Rich's return was less than storied,
When he got, Nathan Quarried,
And I saw Kalib's cranium.
There was a boy named Rich
Was impressed with a switch
Spider clinched
Cinci flinched
Again was Silva's bitch
Dana went out to invest
In a dude with a dick on his chest.
Spent so much money
That Randy went hungry,
And joined a medieval conquest.
Bonnar . . .does anyone care?
I hear they’re next signing Ric Flair.
Vera’s in love
With Tim and they hugged,
For three rounds, while live on the air.
Rich went down quick, tossed aside;
In fact I’m surprised he’s alive.
Franklin left broken,
Drank piss with Joe Rogan.
He’ll be back to fight one-fifty-five.
There once was a man from Ohio
Who gave it the 'ol college try-o
Joe Rogan's retarded
And I think he just farted
And Rich got spun 'round like a gyro
There once was a big strong Japanese guy named Yushin Okami
His fights are kinda like a 15 minute tsunami
He can take people down when he wants to
That decision with Rich Franklin really blew
I wonder how big is Yushin's salami
You ask me who's pound for pound best
I tell you with vigor and zest
Fedor needs a fight
Quinton doesn't seem right
That makes Silva above all the rest
There once were two fighters from Cincinnati
Jorge Gurgel's underachiever status makes me kind of batty
Brandon Vera looks a little to small at heavy weight
I think Tim Silvia is my soul mate
Rich Franklin's face looked like a beef patty
Bonnar bounced Schafer's head off the floor
And Spider has Ace's number for sure
UFC's doing fine,
'cause Brock Larsner's been signed!
But where the heck is Randy Couture?
Robinson put hurting on Gurgel,
Grice-Black wasn't a draw? What the Hell!?
Vera kneed Sylvia in the head,
but couldn't put him to bed,
and Starnes said "Don't do this to me- the doctor could see my skull!"
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