The basic breakdown of the Female Xyience commercials goes like this:
a) Chick doing pilates goes "
I'm not an athlete, but... er... um, Chuck Liddel is!"
or
b) Semi-hot greased up chub monkey* taking a nap in a chair is suddenly pumped full of xyience vitamins, or something cheerful... giving her the magical energy she needed to shake her junk in an alley in front of an enchanted fiery inferno
For many, the underlying problem with these commercials is that ultimately, they lack conviction. The non-athlete 'i just look hot but I can recite the names of actual fighters' is weak and the hoochie drink fundamentally lacks credibility. And purpose. They aren't funny and they are only marginally entertaining**. The bottom line however, is that sex sells.
So what is the solution to this?
--Extreme Suppliments need Extreme Advertising!--
Combine the attention power of Sex + Trained Professionals for which enhancing performance chemicals are ideal:
Xyience Porn Stars!
Scenario One:
Get a currently active porn star, say Jenna Haze, Jesse Jane, Sunny Leone, Ashton Moore, Sophia Santi, et. all... Cut to scene where
one of these charming ladies Discusses how
"Xyience XNO is for anyone who wishes to Extend their muscle pump; signal muscle growth and speed recovery; and increase their strength, stamina and sexual vigor***". Continue by explaining how Xyience has greatly improved their performance and longevity on set!
Scenario Two:
A 'Golden Age of Porn' actress hypes Xyience's Rasberry Xenergy gives her the fuel she needs to be the last girl standing (or capable of standing) in her comeback role 'World's Biggest Gang Bang 3'!
Scenario Three:
Pit studio contract stars against each other in a 245 lbs. pudding war!
Club Jenna vs. Jill Kelly Productions!
Jonni Darkko's Angels of Debauchery vs. Joey Silvera's Service Animals!
Besides selling sex, they'd be pretty damn funny. Xyience would hit paydirt! They'd have the exposure and controversy they're looking for as well as a very persuasive commercial series. Viewers would get a truly entertaining commercial that included the fundamentals, like a sense of humor and
boobies!
Concerned parents wouldn't have to worry about 'grey area' messages. Sure the ads would be the extreme side of risqué; but odds are, a father can safely ask his little girl if she wants to grow up and be a porn star and get a resounding "No!" response.
And if that doesn't work for you, well maybe
this Xyience commercial will:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GFreJk6szQ0
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*DO NOT DISPUTE ME ON THIS ONE. Yes- she is hot, but nothing special. This was probably shot in L.A. or Vegas... there are THOUSANDS of much better looking women with less ass crease and a sense of rhythm to choose from for that ad.
**I realize many of you are probably still young enough to be more than satisfied watching Angie Everheart's furry tits on Skinamax in your mom's basement late at night... so its understandable that our levels of expectation might be DRASTICALLY different.
***Cut and Paste from Xyience site. See! The commercials practically write themselves!
Xyience Chick Commercial: PORN
