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9/11: The Conspiracy (or, The World According to Conspiracy Theorists)
(Note: I wrote this in response to some wacky thing a conspiracy theorist posted here on one of the many recent 9/11 conspiracy threads. This is a sarcastic compilation of their ACTUAL BELIEFS. I couldn’t help feeling like I was describing the beliefs of Scientologists when I wrote this for some reason. Get your tinfoil hats on. THEY ACTUALLY BELIEVE THIS.)
9/11: The Conspiracy (or, The World According to Conspiracy Theorists)
Bottom Line: Bush did it. And he did it with the New World Order and the NeoCons. It was George Bush, and to a lesser extent, Larry Silverstein, because he wanted a reason to invade the Middle East, so that he could control the oil there, specifically in Iraq. They blamed it on Al Qaeda , which Bush thought was a clever thing to do because they have no oil in Afghanistan, but he decided to invade it anyway, just to make himself look good and to provide a distraction. Smart thinking. Bush and Co. (and Support Staff) with Larry Silverstein, because Larry had just taken out a huge insurance policy, so, they would, um, destroy the WTC because it could used to start a war in Iraq, no, err, um, Afghanistan, and for Larry’s $3.5 billion dollar insurance. Iraq is later, yeah.
And so Bush and Larry decided that they would, along with a team of a few 100 support staff, to set up demolitions in WTC 1 and 2, as well as WTC7 (which contained all of the incriminating evidence to their nefarious plan, as well as other evidence). These were set up weeks in advance when they stopped allowing bomb-sniffing dogs in the area, and a crew of evil demolition experts who also were hell-bent on controlling mid-east oil as well set up explosive Thermite (which doesn't really explode, mind you) in all of the buildings’ basements. They also set up explosives where the planes were supposed to hit, near the top of the buildings, but more on that later.
At the same time that Bush, Larry and the demolition team were setting up the charges, the CIA was training AQ terrorist patsies to fly jumbo jets at various schools around the country (instead of a secret training center, because that would be too obvious) and they trained them to die in the name of Allah, although it was really the CIA doing this to blame it on AQ. So they trained, left evidence everywhere of their plan around the USA, but the FBI and the CIA intentionally ignored it and fake-fumbled the evidence (because they are all in on it too). Hundreds of people were actually in on it, including their secretaries.
So the day comes, the charges are set, and the hijackers are ready to do this, and so are George and Larry. The passengers get aboard the planes, no um, I mean, they were drones planes, and NASA actually killed all of the original passengers. So they killed the terrorists too, and they got their drones ready to fly into the WTC (the planes were actually controlled by 12 year old Xbox prodigies) , and they were able to successfully hit 3 out of 4 targets, the last drone went down in PA. Whoops. Waste of a drone! Never mind, at least they hit the WTC.
So when they hit the WTC, what they also had was a MISSLE (yes!) on the bottom of the drone that also shot out at the WTC (despite their being charges and explosives and a 757 slamming into the building alread. If you’re gonna do it, do it right!) So the building is burning, and people are dying, but the damn building won't fall! So Larry gives the order, Bush and the CIA agree. And down comes the two major towers. The Demolition team actually placed the charges so it would look like it was falling from the top down, and not bottom up like most demolitions. So WTC 1 and 2 fell, just like planned: 1) they set charges 2) they fly planes into them 3) they shoot missiles into the building right before plane hits and 4) wait for the fire to burn and people to die and 5) once almost everyone is out, "pull" the building by setting off charges. They used Thermite because that is the ONLY THING that can melt steel.
For the Pentagon, because NASA took the people and killed them, they still had to fly a plane into the Pentagon to make it an "attack on the military". So they took a smaller drone, not a 757 sized-one mind you, and they slammed it into the Pentagon where Donald Rumsfeld was (gotta make it look like a real attack, right?). So the one in Pennsylvania, well, that was a shame, because they killed all of those passengers and didn't even get to use the drone to slam it into the White House. It just fizzled, er, uh, it was shot down in the woods in Pennsylvania.
Elsewhere. So shit, WTC 7 didn't go down! That is where all of the evidence is. Luckily, Larry, the CIA, the FBI, AQ and the Bush administration waited until 5 pm to pull that one down instead of letting it fall when the others fell in the morning. They planted Thermite in there, as a back up, and then they waited all day to pull it, because they knew it would be less suspicious then after 7 hours of intense fire. The plan was working perfectly. Now they just hoped that the Thermite didn't keep burning too long because that would produce molten steel, and everyone knows that only Thermite melts steel. The Conspiracy Theorists would be all over that one.
So down go the WTC and 4 "jets" that were really just drones with missiles underneath them, and nearly 3000 people died. Why did they do this? So they can invade Afghanistan. Why Afghanistan, you ask? Because that is less obvious than Iraq, which is our real target. They are right next to each other, they think. So the Afghanistan War goes well, the people are behind the president, the whole world sees Afghanistan as a just war, and Bush and the rest of the NEW WORLD ORDER decides that it is time to invade Iraq and squander all of the progress made with our allies. So they fabricate evidence about WMDs in Iraq, using the patriotism of the people and the fervent fear of terrorism, to gloss over the fact that no WMDs were ever found by the IAEA or the UN. Off to Iraq, yippee.
So they invade Iraq, to control the oil, but they didn’t plan for a violent insurgency and a sectarian civil war. So ironically, they haven’t gotten much oil yet. But luckily, not a single person involved squealed for the sake of the country (not the demolition team, not the planners, not the people who helped and trained the AQ pilots, not the financiers and accountants that paid for this, not the people who flew the drones, not the people who cleared all of the evidence, not the people at NASA who killed the passengers, not the CIA, not the planters of evidence, not the actors that fabricated eyewitness stories, the FBI, the Bush Admin, the fake-video-makers, the voice-recognition software operators, the support staff and don't forget the secretaries!............... ) no one revealed any information about Bush and Silverstein’s goal to destroy the WTC and start a war based upon 9/11. No one, not a single American that took part in this huge expansive plan, revealed anything. No one had a conscience and cared more about America than about profits for oil companies and defense industry monopolies. All those people, no one reveals anything. No one.
Oh yeah, but dammit, AFTER THAT PERFECTLY EXECUTED 9/11, THEY FORGOT TO PLANT THE WMDs in IRAQ! Damn! They knew they forgot something...
Osama who?
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icantstandit is The Bunny Slayer
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