When Using Public Restrooms (Which guy are you?)

silverline122 · 02:42 PM

1. The Raw-Dogger
This is the man amongst men. In general, he appears to look like Dan Severn minus the squeaky voice and just doesn't give a shit. Literally. He doesn't look twice at the toilet seat before planting his ass on firmly on it. If this dude were to get the staph on his ass, he would simply just cut it off as easy as his morning shave

2, The "Hey Ma Look at Me" Guy
This guy is normally in his early 20's unable to shed the mindset of a 13 year old. Upon laying a massive, potato sized dook, he'll get everybody around him to examine his art piece. He'll take a picture with his cell phone and send the picture to all of his closest buddies.

3. The Competitor
This guy just can't be outdone. When the dude in the next stall squeeks one, the competitor will immediately squeeze one out louder without fail, every time. He waits for his que, and releases gusts of gas with every ounce of power from his abdomen. If the dude in the next stall is also a competitor- look out, this spells trouble. Innocent bystanders will have to endure the orchestra of toots as they quickly try to evacuate the premise.

4. Speedy McDookster
This guy is a variation of "the Competitor". You'll walk into the restroom to take a leak, exactly the same time that this guy does to crap, and he'll be washing his hands before you even zip up. This guy is in it to win it, and has the art of squeezing, wiping then flushing down to the tee...

5. The Super Saiyan
This guy grunts and groans and even yells sometimes, almost as if he thought the world were coming to an end. If you observe the stall that the SS sits in and listen close, you'll notice that there will be 20 minutes of groaning and 30 seconds of "dropping"

6. The Athlete
This guy is a natural sports guy. Even while sitting on the can, he'll get restless and start to do dips on the handicap bars. If no one was around, you might even catch him with both feet planted on the door and performing some amazing levitation like acts.

7. Mr. Quiet and Shy
This guy is the type to sit in the stall and wait it out until everybody else leaves. Upon knowing that he's alone, he'll drop bombs steadily and quietly. If he hears someone entering through the door, he'll start coughing and shifting his feet loudly, so it diverts the attention off the noise he just made out his bunghole.

8. The Sumo Squatter
This guy is deathly afraid of germs and will in NO WAY allow his sweet ass to touch the toilet seat. He will either do a military style wall squat (minus the wall) or put both feet on top of the toilet seat to handle his biz. Upon years of practice, if you notice the bottom half of his body, you'll see that he has the massive tree trunks of Cro Cop.

9. The Cell Phone Gamer
This guy goes into the stall initially to drop a duece. After 10 minutes, he's normally done. However, you'll hear beeps and clicks as this guy games away and watch him leave the restroom about an hour and a half later. Sometimes he sits on his ass for so long, that he'll forget to wipe or will fall over since his legs will become so numb.

10. The Pervert
This guy takes a crap like every other half hour. He'll excuse himself from his place of work after helping a fine-looking young lady and run into the bathroom to cop a feel on himself. If he's in a private area- the last thing you'll want to do is use the same stall that this guy did. You never know, you might get teh AIDS.

11. The Asshole
This guy is the modern day Denise-the-Menace. He'll deficate all over the seats and piss on the toilet paper to get personal kicks. Sometimes he'll stand around and wait for the next person to use the stall simply to observe their reaction. If someone else is using the stall, he'll ball up a piece of paper towel drenched in water and chuck it into the stall and quickly run out.

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12. The Standard Citizen
This is probably the most common type of turd dropper. He lays the protective cover over the seat and spends about 10 minutes on the can while lost in thought, stares at the wall as he finishes business and moves on with life. Boring.

13. Dr. Doom
This guy's shits smell like Lindsay Lohan's dead poons after about 4 months of decomposition. Even if he became a Vegan, he could kill the entire civilization of Rhode Island with a whiff of his death droplings.

14. The Self-Talk Guru
This is the dude that you always hear talking to himself as if to coach himself through taking a crap. He'll normally utter statements such as "There you go- uh- yeah!!" or "Ooooohhhh weeee that's a sweet load" either to amuse himself or to annoy others in the restroom. Seriously. Who the fuck needs to coach a turd out of themselves??

15. The TP Unwrapper.
This guy folds his TP and wipes out of frugal habit. Then he unfolds the paper to observe what the results look like. The extreme version of the TP Unwrapper may even go as far as to sniff his own turd. AKA Soma (see post #84)

16. The Chatterbox
This is the guy that loves to talk while taking a shit. God forbid you take a crap next to him. if he's on his cell, then he'll proudly state the fact that he's unleashing the dragon, not once but multiple times to the other person on the line, as if the guy was massively proud of dropping a load. If he's a buddy sitting in the next stall, he won't give you a moment of peace as he interrupts your concentration by awkwardly asking you a series of dumb questions that has absolutely no significance in life.

17. The non-flusher (by ahcshon)
This is the inconsiderate bastard that leaves a massive floater and secretly gets joy out of the pain he inflicts on the next stall user. The bigger the dookie, the greater the joy. Eye contact is normally evaded as the non-flusher sneaks out of the stall, but know that he is shamelessly laughing his ass off inside

18. Long Schlong Davonne
This character normally comes from a certain ethnic background who unintentionally brags/complains about his weiner tip hitting the toilet water. Then he'll turn to the Japanese fella standing next to him and say something to the likes of "Don't you hate it when that happens?", as Mr. Sakamoto hesitantly nods in confusion. Long Schlong Davonne unsuspectingly assumes that everybody else has a horse-like unit and will swing his schlong on it's merry way while swatting away flies with it.

That's it for now- carry on.