[graedy]

Thx. Have always been a guy thinking about philosophy. One of my friends asked me once ago after I explained one of my strange theories to him: "Why in hell do you think about such stuff?" - Not that bad of a question.


- Strict OHP 3x60kg/3x62,5kg/3x65kg [all pretty easy]

- Pullups 5xBW/ 5x10/5x20/5x25kg (testing the camera: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6f6pt6vUQz4 ) - No churchlift

- Jumpsquats 5x3xbar

- Bulgarian Ss 2x10x40kg [As we only have dumbells up to 20kg I have to change to a barbell now. I hate those.]

- Legpress 20x120kg

- Obliques 2x10x48kg [Can do obliques even when I dont feel that good]


Nice.

[graedy]

Really couldnt eat today. Had a shitty night and shitty day. And shitty training. Shitty life that is.

- Squat 3x100/2x3x110/1x115 [wanted to do a triple - frist rep went easy, second rep felt light and then all of a sudden I got stuck] / 4x100 [Just repped up and donw and all of a sudden the muscle "closed" - Wtf is going on? I thought at thsi point]

- BP 6x80kg/6x82,5/6x85/4x90 [ARRRGHHH! WHAAAA! WTF?! I want to hid eina corner and cry. Same thing again. 4 easy reps and then - stuck]

- Upper back stuff.


After thsi training I was pissed for a short time and then the sadness that was all over present the last couple of weeks returned. HAd nothing to do with the workout. Well, in fact a good workout could have given me some kind of "boost". Anyway. I will reintroduce some carbs in my diet. Without them I just have nono energy. But I will only put some carbs back in the diet. It will be some dextrose after training and about 20-30gram in form of cooked oats in the morning and 30-40 gram of cooked oats mixed in my daily 500gram Quark with some fruit mix I eat over the day (one half in the afternoon the other before bed). MAybe I will add some more on my trainingdays. We will see how it goes.

[graedy]

I coached a friend today. Did some FS. Up to a easy set of 5x90kg. Ass to grass, no problems with breathing and fucking solid. I was suprised. Will coach him every friday now. So when I feel fresh those days I will do some FS and OHsquats then. Feels much better with some carbs back in the diet.

[graedy]

- Highpulls 5x3

- Powershrugs 3x20 [dont know the weight on both. But that will be the new tactic. practice explossivnes and form with lighter weights for the highpulls and then some powershrugs to give my traps some real work]

- RDL 6x115/3x6x125kg [those are great]

- Plyo push ups 5x3 [experimented a bit with clapping on the the side of the hips or on the chest but for some weird reason I didnt manage the double clap anymore. Will keep on practicing and then will do the behind the back one like back in the days]

- Skullcrushers 3x10x40kg ss Curls 3x10x35kg [I admit that big arms look cool and I never had some. But if the weight goes up every week like on these exercises its also a sign that you discovered a weakness. So I will keep to this. If the weight stalls I will switch to a Tatepress - Hammercurls superset]

- Incline PUBs chest touching floor each rep 2 sets to failure [great finisher whcih also gives your upper body a nice stretch]

This workout was great. High densitiy. Felt strong. Was strong. Without really noticing I must have shed lots of innerabdominal fat. TRousers that didnt fit me anymore arround the wistline when I was 75kg and thin (about one year ago) now are loose arround the waist. ITs really amazing. Those most be a couple of inches I have lost. Interesting.
Later my best friend will come around and we will probably watch the K1 GP Final from yesterday.
Thats how life should be.

[graedy]

First Prograf blood test. Tacrolimos in the blood <2 . Must be over 10. So dosage up to 2x2mg. No Sideeffects so far.

[graedy]

- Strict OHP 3x3x62,5 [not good]
- BO rows 5x90kg/5x92,5kg/5x95kg/5x97,5kg/ [supinated] 5x100kg
- Plyo jumps
- Walking lunges 2x24x40kg [I cant breath!]

Ran out of time and had to go. This workout was way from strong. My BW has dropped to 80kg. I feel sick as I use those antibiotics way too long now (but I depend on them at the moment so theres nothing I can do about it). My appetite is down. But I try to relax. No gains? I someday wrote that this gonna be journey which will sometimes require one step forward followed by two steps back. Recentlly it were a lot of steps forward.
I never stepped into a ring but from what I read about it, one of the most important things is to stay relaxed. Relaxed when under fire and relaxed when things dont work the way you want them to work.
MY training suits me well. I know that. The only thing I could do is do even less from time to time. My nutrtion could be "better". But its the best I can get under those circumstances. So I do what I can do. The Tacrolimos is "on the way". If it helps, some parameters will shift and so will my eating habits and later my traininghabits (e.g. when the HB is up again). And then progress wil come again. But so far Im doing my best. And maybe progress will come now or it wont for a while. But the worst thing I can do is panic. Or hate myself for it. Doubt myself all the time. I question myself. And the answer to any question I ask myself about wether I do what I can to reach my traininggoals without sacrificing my goal of feeling as good as possible with the disease and trying to beat it is: YES!
Yes, I do give my best. And if thats the result - so be it.

[fat_wilhelm]

True, true. You have been dealt a hand, shitty as it may be, and you must play it as best you can.

[Team Dragonfire]

Originally Posted by graedy

And now. Lets get a bit philosophic. Its gonna be a bit hard to express my thoughts in english but lets try.
I guess many of you read DAve Tates recent article. http://www.elitefts.com/documents/zippy_rant.htm
He kind of talks about meeting the old Dave. The Dave he was years or months ago. The facit is that he is not the same person anymore as the circumstances have changed (e.g. he has kids). Funny thing is that I am not sure who I am now and wondered about that recentlly. For me the circumstances also changed. So I changed. Another thing I do is write diarylike stuff from time to time. I adress this stuff to my furture me. Not myself in the future. I ask questions. Sometimes when I read this stuff from the past I kind of get in contact with my "past me". They say hello. Through time and room. But I also notice that Im not the same person anymore. So I was then and I am now. But lets get a bit more drastic. It needs months or years sometimes only hours to make us aware that we are never the same person. But in fact you are not the same person in the next second as you were the second before. In fact we exist endlessly often for an endlessly short time. And now sit down. That what you call the "this is me" doesnt exist. More drastic "You never exist".
We hate this fact. Our ego hates this fact. This is why we e.g. marry. We promise each other to love each other forever. BEcause this creates a constant that "present you" and "future you" will have in common if you keep to this promise. It defines the "you". That is why we are attracted to dogmas so much.
But objectivly you dont know if the "future you" will love the "Future wife", if the future you will still believe in the same things the "present you" does.
Who are you now?

I can't tell you how much I agree with what you've written. In the last year or so, I've made many drastic changes in my life

PAST ME:
self-centered
procrastinator
heavy drinker (college)
sparse workouts
poor eating habits
no job (college)

PRESENT ME:
on-time (most of the time )
rarely, if ever, drink
daily workouts
very clean eating habits
3 jobs (64 hours/week total)


I've changed a lot recently and I'm still changing... recently i've seem to run into problems of people changing / not changing along with me... very interesting concept.

Keep up the log bro

[graedy]

Sounds good man. I would say that everytime you dont feel happy for some time its just time to change something. The happiest and most impressive persons I ever met were always the least dogmatic.

- Squats 8x3x100kg [1min break between sets. Nice. High density. High volume. And still the weight is light enough to focus on good form. Exactlly what I need for the squat.]

- BP 6x90kg [the one or two workset method always brought me the best results with my pressign movements. So I go back to that.]

- Incline BP 6x75+kg [Was one of the selfmade bars so I dont know the exact barweight]

- Upperbackstuff consisting of Pullups, chin ups, towel pullups

I used 5kg of weight for the Upperbackstuff later on. Why? beacause I almost blacked out doing 15+ reps. I had some very "bloody" days recentlly and my HB probably dropped below 9. This leads to my pulse going up to "heart wants to hop out of my mouth" and stay there for a long time. So when the time under tension is too long I get light headed and need several minutes to get the pulse down afterwards. So its better to stay under 12 reps with more weight and like being able to perform more sets in less time.
But all in all this taught me a lesson. As much as I would like to perform the 100kgx20 squats set this year I wont go for it no matter what. Why? Because I am now at the point that I want to live. I want to live even with this disease. And with such a low HB I run a high risk of fucking up my heart pushing myself too much. If I get my HB at 9.5 or better over 10. I promise that I will go for the 20reps. Im still all for breaking walls. But sometimes one strong, wisely planned hit against a wall is worth more than two medicore ones.
If I want to live it is about time to accept that Im not the unbeatable graedy anymore and will probably never be again.
The lifelong dogma of an only worthy life with physical strength and brainpower falls. The old me dies. It is that close to surrender. Maybe its the only way to be happy again. Ever.

[Team Dragonfire]

Like you said bro.. the old you is ALWAYS dying.. you can't view it as surrender.