I will never surrender - Page 7

graedy · 06-23-2005, 04:49 AM

Over and Out....maybe there will be another comeback. but im very tired in general. everytime i have reached or almost reached my old level i get fucked again. im unable to motivate myself. lets face it: this is going nowhere.

graedy · 07-04-2005, 06:10 AM

BW dropped by 5 kilos. all i can do is wait, wait, wait....

graedy · **11/7/05**

this morning i woke up and couldnt move due to abnormal pain in my stomach + muscle crampings in my back and my chest (no, i havnet trained for weeks). went to the doctor (all the nurses know me already

).
pain comes from the colitis and there is nothing you can do about it (it got better on its own). crampings come from the cortison. nice. thats what i needed. some more problems.

but the last bloodwork was fine

round 2 is pretty tough.

graedy · 07-14-2005, 05:25 AM

since im off the imurek i dont feel incredible sick all day anymore (i couldnt even drink before). so next monday i will get another medicament. still heavy bleeding. go to toilette about 8-10 times. weighed myself: 85 kilos. yesterday i felt quite good for some hours. so i tried how many hcin ups i can still do. got 14 with a deadhang after each rep. At least 2 more weeks untill i can train again. but it can also be 2 months or years. who fucking knows?

graedy · 07-18-2005, 09:10 AM

CRP : 20. have to go up with the cortison again (30-0-10) although my body is aching under the influence of high dosage of cortsion over 10 months now. new medicament is normally used against leukemya (bloodcancer). hopefully it helps. my girlfriend and i stipulated, that we wont see and hear each other for the next weeks. she was the biggest help you can imagine for the last months (you can even say years now

) but my love is too big to take her with me to wherever it goes from now on. i know, she needs a break and she cant help me at the moment. i have reached my psychologicall maximum. im loosing everything that was important to me in life. it has got to end soon. either way.

Ted-P · 07-18-2005, 11:24 AM

Damn..................

I wish you best of luck.

No where to go but up right?

graedy · 07-19-2005, 06:29 AM

Thats very true.
Had to cry a littel bit, yesterday.
talked to my mum.
my best friend came home from holidays.
so, today i feel much better mentally.
Yesterday it was just too much.
but this thread has its title for a reason!

Ted-P · 07-19-2005, 11:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by graedy

Thats very true.
Had to cry a littel bit, yesterday.
talked to my mum.
my best friend came home from holidays.
so, today i feel much better mentally.
Yesterday it was just too much.
but this thread has its title for a reason!

You the man dude.

graedy · 07-19-2005, 03:11 PM

Thx.
I feel terrible sick tonight again. Hopefully its not from the new medicament. If thats the case i have a really big problem. I have been afraid quite sometimes in my life. Like any normal person. But now i get an impression what fear really means. Soon its 2 years since the diagnosis. 2 fucking years of fighting an unbeatable enemy, that fucks you up more and more and more..... gives you hope, destroys it, gives you hope.......
I remember a long time ago, i thought about if its really necessary to take small amounts of cortison. Now i take medicaments, that can kill me over night. How time goes by.

MMA Fun · 08-03-2005, 07:42 AM

WoW, ur are an inspiration for me, keep ur head up man and just fight on the fight aint over till the bell rings..