[graedy]

Thx. This means a lot to me.
People here seem to understand the fighting mentality. They know what it means to go to your limits and push it further. They know that you are capable of much more than you think. Even my close friends couldnt understand how I could sit there in hospital getting my "food" through my vene with no real perspective for the furture at all and joke and wonder about when I will be able to train again.
In addition in my darkest hours when I just want to give up, I think about how bad this would be for my friends and my family and how I would disapoint all the people reading this log and believing in me and helping me with their kind words.

Yesterday I went to the ceremony where my little brother got his final grade. He wished so much that I would come. That was hard. "Where are the toilettes?". I was so fucked, I almost fell asleep on the chair. Then all the lucky young people and the speeches about their future is beginning now. Memories how life was when I was his age came up. Where is my future? How would 17 years old graedy have reacted if somebody told him that none of his dreams will come tru? That soon almost everything will be taken away from him. That there will be times he will be happy about every fucked up second that is just over.
In a selfhelp-forum someone who has MC (quite similar disease to UC and cared for his mother who had cancer until she was dead: "If I had the choice between cancer and MC I would chosse cancer. At least with cancer the suffering is over one day."

[graedy]

- DBOHP 17x21kg [20 reps just arround the corner]
- sideraise 10x21kg
- BO laterals 12x21kg

[bacon]

Originally Posted by graedy

- DBOHP 17x21kg [20 reps just arround the corner]

Good job brudda. Keep at it!

[graedy]

- 30 mins on the CII [I dont know if that was good because in the forward position you kind of push your legs in your abdominals which squeezes the colon a bit and feels quite uncomfortable]

- chin ups 3x10 with 45 sec reats between sets [its great - I pull up from the completelly stretched/deadhangpostion adn all the way up Im just very,very fast]
1x9x+4kg added

I still wonder wether I should keep the 100 reps+ in packages of 10 over the day system as it worked very well. Or if I should switch back to more intensity and more rest. I guess I will do a mix now just by how I feel. If I feel good UC and "muscle" wise I will do a more intese session with sets to failure and/or short rest. And if I still feel fresh I will do some more reps over the day. And when I feel wrecked I will do just a few reps over the day or even nothing one day.
Tomorrow is the next meeting with the prof. It wont change anything tomorrow but still some plans how it should go on in the future are made and some informations are given. The battle is fought every day. But then we make the strategyplans.

[graedy]

Originally Posted by bacon

Good job brudda. Keep at it!

Yepah! Soon I will test my maxes in the chin and pull ups. And in a few weeks I will have my own little "powerlifting"-competition aiming for 20 reps in each of the "lifts".

[graedy]

Had a long talk with my ex. This was good. Longtime before we got seperated we stopeed talking about any topics. We told each other stories. We told each other how we feel.
Sounds good. But something was missing.
I told her that I find it kind a fucked up that we are friends now. How could somehting that was once such a big love just become a friendship? Where is the passion? Where is the black-whithe thing? where is the love-hate thing? Everyhtuing seems to be so replaceable so not-real.
I said that if I wasnt sick it would have ended differently. We wouldnt be friends now.
Big love and then friendship. Thats like wearing those thin jackets people just wear in springtime. I hate those jackets. Either its summer or its winter. Hot or cold!
She said that this makes it special. We are seperated but still the other person is important to you. As a friend. If you seperate and have nothing to do with the person afterwards. Then the person is replacable.
Still hard to decide. First time in a long time she made me think.
Well, I put on the springtimejacket. But its not closed. I can still put it off. One day I gonna deicde wether close it or just throw in huge, spectacular fire.

[graedy]

BAck from my meeting with the prof. IT will last quite long until the higher concentrated studymedication is there. Hopefully this year.
But we talked about the theory I figured out and now was able to back up with lots of stuff I researched. I mentioned this once in this log when I said that Í maybe got some good news.
Some stuff was even new to him (because its not gastrorelated but some quite special stuff from another special field) but he liked the whole concept. So we will have some more tests from the 17th of july to the 19th of july (yes I have to stay in hospital for 2 nights for this but if my theory is right its definatelly worth it).
Very likely the theory will stay a theory. Or to say it more drastic it is interesting but wrong.
But you never know. But now after the Prof says the theory is not complete bullshit and we should test that out I have a slightly better feeling.
If Im succesfull I will try to explain the whole thing in English.

I will do some chins, pulls ups and PUBs the rest of the day. But nothing special as I feel worn out from the long day in hospital.

[graedy]

Today was a pain day. I hate this ingestial pain. Its not like getting hit or cut. It comes from inside of you. And not from a certain point but from everywhere. ITs not the kind of pain that makes you angry and pushes you. It just wears you out.
Anyway. I thought: "Fuck it!" and

- tested my chin up max: 18 full Rom reps

It guess on a better day I am able to hit the 20 rep goal. But who cares? 18 is 18 and not 20.
2 reps more until I have reached my goal.
But as bad as things go at the moment, maybe I will be doomed to ly in bed all day again soon.

Bw is 80kg (176 lbs)

[graedy]

I searched for chin and pull ups on youtube a bit. Found some cool stuff and lots of bullshit (people doing 1/8 ROM chins and the like).
This is how my 20 pull ups are gonna look (I dont have this strange apparatus and I will pull up a bit higher and my body will swing less):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6LKiu...search=pullups

[bacon]

Nice CHINS man! I'm stuck at 14 at the moment.