[bacon]

Originally Posted by graedy

I gonna keep the chin ups up . Thx.

Dumbell complex x 4 (had to eliminate BO laterals and curls on the last set. Next time i gonna start with squats instead of BO laterals (15 kg is to taxing for this exercise for a complex) and maybe move the BO laterals to BW-day as a normal exercise (i just love them, dont blame me ).

It is pretty certain, that my colon is irreversible damaged. The question is: How much?
The doc said, that it helps to train the constrictor to get the stool-incontinence under control.
Sounds weird.
But sometimes a man got to do what a man got to do !

Im off for some constrictor-flexes

You'll be the first man ever to medal in Olympic "Kagels"

[Mr. Sinister]

This is just a test of your will man. A lot of people never go through anything like this in their lives and really don't understand what it means to be alive. People these days especially, it's like they seek our tragedy and hardship just to build character. Purposely invoking great downfall upon themselves to attempt to gain some kind of perspective on what living life is all about. When you're through with this affliction, WHEN...you'll be far beyond the comprehension of most people (that is, if conquering something like this doesn't go to your head, but you don't sound like it will.)

Never give up the fight. The moment you give up is the moment it's all REALLY over.

[graedy]

That is the positive effect.
I had a really good life before i got the UC. But you cant describe how happy i was when i was in short remission for about 4 weeks last may. I was bloated up from the cortison. But i COULD enjoy food, i COULD train, í COULD leave the house. Self-evident?
Well, i had to cry over and over again just because i felt so overwhelmingly happy when i did those things.
Nothing tastes better than the yuckiest food after being hungry for a long time.
To really know what life means, you have to die (not the real physical death, that would be impossible ) at least once in your life.

The last time i woke up after the coloskopie, there was this older lady beside the bed of her husband. I woke up, saw her and she seemed special to me. so i started talking to her. She told me her story: As a 12 year old girl, she had really bad cancer (forgot what it was). Deadly. But then she got the chance to be one of the first persons to get a treatment with radioactive irradiation (those days were the beginning of cancer treatment). They used much higher dosages those days. So as a young girl she had to spend 14 days in a bunker under the earth. Almost dying from the treatment (hair go out, vomiting all day...). Her only vistors where old nurses (they could only "use" the ones who didnt want to get children anymore) that came in to give her the medis and disapeared as fast as possible because she herself was so radioactive, that it was dangerous for people to stay close to her.
Long story short: She survived (she was the only one). In her midtwenties, she got another form of cancer. She survived it again. In her midfourties she became a form of cancer that was only seen once before on the whole world. At a woman, who survived Hiroshima. So the Docs supposed, that it came from the radioactive treatment in her childhood. The other people, that had the same treatment those days all died. The other people that got the same dosage in Hiroshima all died (except this one other woman). She survived again.

And then i knew what was special about this woman (this might sound strange to some of you): She was over and over and over full of life.

No one can really imagine what this woman went through in her life. But she was in no way bitter or anything. She said that she just loves to live.

Every person has the problems he has. You shouldnt judge the problems of others.
But sometimes i have to tell this to myself over and over again. Some people just have fucked up reasons to be unhappy

[peanut butter]

is there someone who looks after you or do you manage by yourself?

[graedy]

I moved back to my parents when things were really bad. Before that my roomate helped me out. But when i couldnt leave the bed anymore it was time to go home.
Today my conditon is still so fucking unstable that i help out in the household whenever i can but things outside the house, like shopping, are horros for me because of the incontinence. So i only do it when i feel really fine.


Over the last days my mind got clearer again. Its because of the lower cortison dosages. The stuff really fucks up your body and your mind. Its hard to describe. But you dont feel like you anymore once you have taken it for a while.
Some people get really bad depressions from it.
Im glad the sideeffects arent too bad in my case (still bad enough).
Oh, happy day when im off!

[Grady]

Graedy, I hope things improve for you this year. I just discovered your log and read through it with great interest and also great hope for your recovery. My Dad died many years ago to this disease when I was a little kid, but that was a long time ago and medical knowledge regarding colitis was pretty poor at the time. (I know there is still a lot of unknowns).

Has your doctor discussed probiotics treatment with you? I think it is relatively new type of treatment. I recall reading a theory that the colon may be infected due to an imbalance, or perhaps even the wrong types of bacteria, that can be rebalanced by the introduction of the more benign types seen in a normal colon.

[graedy]

Hey! Sometimes i cant believe the hazards happening arround me. I just phoned with an expert for probiotic treatment not even a week ago. The last days i spent educating myself about it a little bit. I will definatelly go to this expert and will probably start a treatment soon.
Thank you very much for the tip anyway. If i hadnt discovered it myself per hazard...
I feel very sorry for your dad. But as you wrote, those days the disease killed many people. Today it can be controlled to make the patient survive most of the time. Many still die from cancer (massive increased risk over the years). The disease also has a broad spectrum. From killing people to people being able to live a normal life with it.
Well, the quest goes on.

[graedy]

-PUB-Push ups palms facing to failure (35)
-PUB reverse failure (15)
-chins f (13) [wtf?]
-CG Pullups f (11) [at least]
-sideraise 1x12x15kg [had bad pain in my right shoulder arround the supraspinatus, after i did those the pain suddenly disappeared ]


MY ex-girlfreind told me, that she has slept with another guy 2 weeks ago. What makes it even worse, is that this guy was pulling her (is that the right word?) the last weeks of our relationship and i could do nothing against it because i was lying in bed or sitting on the toilette in massive pain, bleeding like a pig. That really broke my heart . 3 1/2 of a realtionship. She did so much for me. I loved her so much. But at the moment i just hate that bitch! She took the last bit of pride and self-esteem away from me.
Now i cant even get myself drunk or go partying. I just have to sit arround and wait, wait ,wait, wait..... Im so full of anger. Im about to explode!

If I think I have sunken to the bottom another hole opens. Anybody an idea what happens next?

I love Sir Winston Churchill Quotes:
"If you are going through hell. Keep on going."

[Mr. Sinister]

If I think I have sunken to the bottom another hole opens. Anybody an idea what happens next?

Bro, rock bottom is a scary place, and you may not have even hit there yet for your situation. The thing you're going to end up realizing about your ex-girlfriend is that she probably has a history of bad decision making. This will sting a bit because you'll realize she made the decision to be with you, but you'll probably then realize that you may have not been thinking absolutely clearly either and ignored signs that she would turn out to be this type of person. The type of person who at this juncture, you absolutely don't need around you doing nothing to appease your pain.

But then, anyone whose been in REAL pain as you are now, knows no one can "make" it better. It's all on you. This is about YOU. Which is why to go through it you're going to have to do it alone. Isolated. Not because the life is cruel, but because this is your great War to discover the true meaning of things to you as a person. How could she even comprehend what you're going through? She can't. She doesn't understand it, so she runs away. This is typical human behavior. What's NOT typical is what you're doing. Fighting. Everything about fighting is backwards. Ducking INTO danger. Standing against the ebb and flow of what seem to be losing situations. It goes against human instinct, which is to flee, to fear, to quit.

WHEN you come through this you're going to be different, elevated, on the next level. Everything you want for you'll have because the strength to acquire it will be miniscule compared to what you had to output to defeat this. Then everyone around you who abandoned, who ran, who quit...will realize that they practically threw away a winning lottery ticket. Which doesn't say much for them at all.

[peanut butter]

i dont think you can be mad at her, because its not right to hate and love someone at the same time, itll only twist you up, especially with the amount of time you've got to spend to think about it, itll only make it worse. from what you've described, i dont think shes a bad girl. the fact that she stuck beside you in your worst times is a credit that i cant really imagine giving many girls that i know. although i realise she slept with someone behind your back, i think you have to maybe acknowledge her needs which through no fault of your own, were still present in the relationship. this isnt an excuse but a factor which must be considered, i believe.

where it goes from there, i feel thats up to you, as its all mental. but, as far as saying she took the last bit of your pride, i think your wrong. no one can take that away except yourself, and from how you deal with your situation i think you havent lost but gained. i think its one of those life experiences which hurts at the time but eventually you move on upward and stronger. i also agree with king, that if she runs away now, she'll be the one regretting it.