What would you guys do?

KempoMaster · 02-24-2008, 12:44 AM

I've been dating this girl for the last four months and she's totally awsome. We're increadibly serious even after this short term, plans for the wedding are already started and we're both absolutely psyched about it. Anyways, I'm a fulltime student and don't always have the time to hangout after work on fridays or saturdays. Tonight was one of those nights and she called me up to ask if I thought it would be ok if she went out with some friends. I said it wasn't a big deal but kinda wondered why on earth she would call me if it was something so simple and irrelavent. Then she dropped the bomb, apparently she got a call from an ex of hers who's in town and wants to catch up with her.

She said she was heistant on it but he called her out of the blue so she said she'd meet him for a drink after hanging out with her friends. Anyways, she asked if I was ok with it and I honestly didn't know what to say. We're very committed to eachother and the thought of her cheating on me is almost incomprehensible at this point. She even admitted to not even really wanting to go, but felt obligated to keep her word and show up.

I guess the part that worries me is that the guy she's meeting is a recently single dude who's driving over an hour just to meet her. Thinking about it from a guys perspective, it's rather obvious he's not just going to "catch up" with her, he's obviously still interested in her. But, on the other hand this is the first time this has come up and I don't want to give my girlfriend the impression that I'm an over-protective, untrusting asshole who wants to control her. I ended up telling her that I was ok with it so long as she didn't do anything stupid. I also added in at the end of the conversation that I had recently purchased a new set of golf clubs and would be breaking in my 9-iron on his face if anything did happen.

What would have you guys done?

Happy Boy · 02-24-2008, 12:56 AM

Let her go to it without question, wouldnt have added anything. She knows its not that comfortable without having to be told so, so the best thing to do would be to let her go and tell her to have a good time. When she sees she is better off and happier with you, and that she was able to do so with you trusting her, will be a great addition to you relationship. She knows that its not ideal as she brought it up with you, I would have just left her do it and trusted she knew what to do.

Smooth_Criminal · 02-24-2008, 01:02 AM

Hmm, i would buy her pepper spray and trust her.

**Sonny** · 02-24-2008, 01:04 AM

How long did she go out with this guy for?

Be honest with her about how you feel, the worst thing you can do to yourself is bottle it up. Just tell her that you weren't really comfortable with the whole situation but that you understand her wanting to catch up with an old friend. ask her how she would feel if the roles were reversed.

Lavos · 02-24-2008, 01:11 AM

This is just my personal opinion. If you're a full time student, and she's around your age, and she's still hanging out with other guys and especially ex-boyfriends... you guys are not ready for marriage.

Hell, IMO, you aren't even ready for a serious relationship. You could put me under the bitter, jaded category, but I've never met a girl that didn't just secretly want to get fucked by as many hot guys as possible.

icepick · 02-24-2008, 01:14 AM

i don't think this is a case of you being overprotective. this seems like a completely legitimate concern. this guy's intent is obvious, and you need to make her see this.

**Sonny** · 02-24-2008, 01:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lavos

This is just my personal opinion. If you're a full time student, and she's around your age, and she's still hanging out with other guys and especially ex-boyfriends... you guys are not ready for marriage.

Hell, IMO, you aren't even ready for a serious relationship. You could put me under the bitter, jaded category, but I've never met a girl that didn't just secretly want to get fucked by as many hot guys as possible.

I'm sort of leaning towards your side here. The fact that she didn't tell you right off the bat that she was going to meet up with her ex bf. She's going out for a drink with him. If it were me, there's no way I could spend a relaxing evening at home while my gf is out drinking with her ex-bf.

Timetravel_0 · 02-24-2008, 01:18 AM

Why would she agree on meeting her ex for a drink? If she was as committed to you as you say, it should've been a no brainer for her to tell him no. Her intentions are unclear, his however are not. I dont think you should demand that she not go. But ask her how it would make her feel if you went out with your ex.

Plutoburn · 02-24-2008, 01:27 AM

Don't settle for 2nd rate behavior in a relationship. If it's something you are not comfortable with, call her out on it. Let her know you don't like it in a way that doesn't come across as insecure but in a "i am doing what's best for our relationship" way. Try to disqualify the ex by asking her how and why they broke up and ask her what kind of feeling she has for him.

KempoMaster · 02-24-2008, 01:29 AM

I just got a call from her, she called this guy and told him to forget it. That's my baby! She really is a genuine person and I honestly could not see her cheating on anyone. She really just got put on the spot and caved. After thinking about it she said she realized how stupid it was and immediately called him and told him to forget about it. Anyways, I honstly didn't feel great about the situation but in the same sense, I didn't know much about the guy other then the fact that he's obviously still interested in her. I've never felt like it was my place to tell people how to live their lives. I figure if you're in a committed relationship with someone and you can trust them, then sometimes you have to let them demonstrate their commitment to you. I'm glad she chose to tell this guy to get lost, but I also don't feel as If I had anything real to be concerned about tonight.

PS. Thanks for the replys