[xmorteferoz]

Computer Repair/Service:

- We make up to a 400% markup on RAM, because you don't know how cheap it really is.

- We charge you 2 hours of labor for a job that sometimes takes 30 minutes, at $80 an hour -- $100 if I'm working inside a laptop, but usually time spent on those is closer to the actual amount of time we charge. On a typical day, I'm billing for 12-16 hours of labor in a 7 hour period of time -- and for at least two of those hours, I'm on FightHQ or Sherdog, or doing other internet browsing.

- We don't have any "special" programs for virus removal -- everything we use, aside from the one paid program we sell at a 200% markup (Spy Sweeper with Anti-Virus, I love it and recommend it to everyone even if we didn't sell it), is free from the internet.

- We do look through your pictures. We do see ALL the porn you've watched, you can't hide it. We do look through your videos. It's not because we're perverts or because we're terribly interested, it's because a) we can; b) it's usually really fucking funny.

- The only REAL work done at a computer repair shop is DC Jack soldering, Backlight replacement, motherboard replacements, LCD replacements, OS error diagnosis or HD repair + data recovery. Everything else is completely automatic, and the first four are all ONLY for laptops. (We don't bother replacing desktop motherboards. Cost vs. "Just buy another machine.")

- We use Google to fix 80% of unknown errors that pop up.

- Hispanics and gay white men are tied for worst spyware/virus infections, followed by 12-17 year old teenagers (ethnicity doesn't matter).

[amhlilhaus]

Originally Posted by xmorteferoz

Computer Repair/Service:

- We make up to a 400% markup on RAM, because you don't know how cheap it really is.

- We charge you 2 hours of labor for a job that sometimes takes 30 minutes, at $80 an hour -- $100 if I'm working inside a laptop, but usually time spent on those is closer to the actual amount of time we charge. On a typical day, I'm billing for 12-16 hours of labor in a 7 hour period of time -- and for at least two of those hours, I'm on FightHQ or Sherdog, or doing other internet browsing.

- We don't have any "special" programs for virus removal -- everything we use, aside from the one paid program we sell at a 200% markup (Spy Sweeper with Anti-Virus, I love it and recommend it to everyone even if we didn't sell it), is free from the internet.

- We do look through your pictures. We do see ALL the porn you've watched, you can't hide it. We do look through your videos. It's not because we're perverts or because we're terribly interested, it's because a) we can; b) it's usually really fucking funny.

- The only REAL work done at a computer repair shop is DC Jack soldering, Backlight replacement, motherboard replacements, LCD replacements, OS error diagnosis or HD repair + data recovery. Everything else is completely automatic, and the first four are all ONLY for laptops. (We don't bother replacing desktop motherboards. Cost vs. "Just buy another machine.")

- We use Google to fix 80% of unknown errors that pop up.

- Hispanics and gay white men are tied for worst spyware/virus infections, followed by 12-17 year old teenagers (ethnicity doesn't matter).

your expertise is frightening, what's the funniest video you've ever seen?

[xmorteferoz]

Originally Posted by amhlilhaus

your expertise is frightening, what's the funniest video you've ever seen?

That the customer has made? Some guy trying to hidden-camera-fuck his fat girlfriend, her refusing him (not because of the cam, I don't think she knew it was there) and him walking up to the camera after she left the room and turning it off is WAY up there on my list.

Tons of masturbation videos/pics too. Not sure why, but vanilla white guys in the 35-45 age bracket are obsessed with their own dicks, however short and plain they may be.

Funniest porn I've ever seen on someone's computer was the pterodactyl porn clip. If you don't know what I'm talking about, Google "pterodactyl porn." NSFW, obviously.

[Mr. Omoplata]

Originally Posted by xmorteferoz

...Google "pterodactyl porn." NSFW, obviously.

ROFL

This made my day.

[ElKarlo]

Originally Posted by swampdonkeyman6

if you ever want a free pie, call up sara lee1.800.323.7117 and say that you are unsatisfied with one of their products. last year i did this during study hall after i bought a danish, and they sent me a voucher for something free. i forget if i had to give them a upc code.

FREE!!!! PIE!?????!!!! I'm on board, for reals.

[ElKarlo]

I want to hear more jail guard stories.

[dylanransom]

From pizza delivery-

Don't say "I just have to sign the receipt, right?" when I give you your credit card slip. I know you are trying to get out of tipping, so stop. People get really nervous and play mind games when they have no cash for a tip- don't be- it's not that big a deal.

Most people's homes are dirty most of the time. Rich and poor people do not tip much differently. Mexicans (in general) take forever to answer the door (sorry but it's true). And I give less than a shit whether your precious cat or dog gets out the door, and I do not care if you find it.

[JDGZ]

Originally Posted by tank666

People fuck you (literally) when you are lying in the mortuary. Apparently there was a bidding war when Anna Nicole Smith checked out.

The bit in Kill Bill when she is being raped whilst lying in the hospital bed happens all the time too.

God that is frightening. I'm gonna need a source on both of those.

[The MMaster]

Originally Posted by Lebowski

When reserving a hotel room its a good idea to use priceline or hotwire as opposed to hotels.com or expedia. Those two cost twice as much as the former two.

If you travel, priceline and hotwire are nice places to book through. At the hotel I work at, our rate is about 239.00 but you can get a room through Priceline for like 49.00. I dont know how the fuck they do it.

I know, they have contracts with the hotels, the room that you're paying them $49 for, they're paying the hotel $19 and any reservation made through these sites don't guarantee room types....so we could give you the shittiest room in the house and if you complain to us we just say you have to call wherever you made your reservation from.

[Sportman]

Originally Posted by JDGZ

God that is frightening. I'm gonna need a source on both of those.

It is sick, but I believe him. My morbid curisoity got the best of me the other day and I had a look on the ogrish forums. Won't be going back. One of the photo sets was from a guy who worked in a mortuary and was preparing the body of a recently killed teenage girl ... I'l leave it at that. And yes I am 99% sure it was real.