[DeathNTaxes]

Hypothetically speaking if you had a girl who you got lots of regular sex from, connect intellectually, both do interesting things have fun hanging out with one anotehr and doing stuff. So all the stuff that "really" matters is going well BUT it never moves officially into a relationship. How do you think this stacks up in terms of necessity? Does it matter to have the socially recognized label? My natural reaction is yes and it's very important but I'm not so sure why.

thoughts? Reactions? Or is this thread Phail?

[Hammer Time]

if you both are banging people on the side and still pursue other people thant thats kinda fucked. make it official

[Magooglie]

Admit it, you want her all to yourself.

[Smashandgrab]

Does this have to do with the chick you had a fling with? The one that lives on the other side of the country?

[Three Gun Fish]

Originally Posted by DeathNTaxes

Hypothetically speaking if you had a girl who you got lots of regular sex from, connect intellectually, both do interesting things have fun hanging out with one anotehr and doing stuff. So all the stuff that "really" matters is going well BUT it never moves officially into a relationship. How do you think this stacks up in terms of necessity? Does it matter to have the socially recognized label? My natural reaction is yes and it's very important but I'm not so sure why.

Given the parameters of your question, it seems you place high premium on the label, and if that's important to you then, yes, it's important.

I don't find it all that important myself. I considered myself married long before I actually got hitched. It's just not something that I think about. However, some people conflate labels with actual boundaries -- such as my man above, who says, "If you're not official, then everyone's free to have sex with other people."

Maybe ol' girl thinks that way, do you really want to find out?

If the relationship is going well, enjoy it. If something's bothering you, address it.

The socially recognized label is important at this point in your life. Pursue it. You may change later on. You probably will. But act in the now, it's how you learn and gain experience. If you screw it all up, you'll know that you need to play it more delicately next time.

Good luck.

[Bladderbuster]

I have a few different girls that I sleep with periodically, mostly when I am between relationships. I am good friends with the girls and we have never even discussed furthering our relationship beyond it's established parameters. We hang out casually when one of us is dating someone, but If we both turn up single at the same time, we then hang out casually and sleep together. Two of my lady friends and I have had this type of relationship for a few years. I have always felt comfortable with the set up.

[DeathNTaxes]

Originally Posted by Smashandgrab

Does this have to do with the chick you had a fling with? The one that lives on the other side of the country?

LOL No, ha ha, that's been shot in the head and buried in the graveyard. This hypothetical has no relevance to me directly.

This is really just a hypothetical I was thinking about recently due to an article I read about socially driven thought patterns. It was interesting realizing that I didn't really know WHY I reflexively thought this was important instead of having thought out reasons. So thought I'd give Ol' Mayberry some food for thought and see what other people thought about it and why they considered it important/irrelevant from their experiences.

[Soulbane]

What you're describing is a dating relationship.

Posting a nominal label to the situation you're in changes nothing.

You're together, the whole "we never made it official" thing really is a load of silly nonsense.

Oh, and 3P1C PH41L D n'T!

[Aas Gutú Adéli]

Originally Posted by DeathNTaxes

Hypothetically speaking if you had a girl who you got lots of regular sex from, connect intellectually, both do interesting things have fun hanging out with one anotehr and doing stuff. So all the stuff that "really" matters is going well BUT it never moves officially into a relationship. How do you think this stacks up in terms of necessity? Does it matter to have the socially recognized label? My natural reaction is yes and it's very important but I'm not so sure why.

thoughts? Reactions? Or is this thread Phail?

I'm pretty much in that 'relationship' right now.
It's about the 4th time I've fallen into such an arrangement.

The girl I'm currently 'involved' with has been struggling to figure out what it all means.
Part of her tries to figure out what term to apply to the relationship, I instead say
"Here is what we have: great chemistry, great conversations, we hang out often and we're constantly texting each other. But we're missing that 'romantic' thing. What do you want to call it?"
She doesn't have an answer.

I asked her if the title mattered, she said kinda, but it isn't a deal breaker at this time.

I call it the 'organic approach' as that sounds less idiotic than 'go with the flow.' I find that relationships like this are fun until they are not, and they can adapt quickly as either party needs. If she finds some guy that she thinks she can fall in love with, I'll wish her good luck and try to stay on as a friend (unless she or the new guy aren't cool with that).

But sometimes love happens, like it did last time. But it was one way. From her to me, but not the other way. That kinda sucked.

[Soulbane]

Originally Posted by Aas Gutú Adéli

I'm pretty much in that 'relationship' right now.
It's about the 4th time I've fallen into such an arrangement.

The girl I'm currently 'involved' with has been struggling to figure out what it all means.
Part of her tries to figure out what term to apply to the relationship, I instead say
"Here is what we have: great chemistry, great conversations, we hang out often and we're constantly texting each other. But we're missing that 'romantic' thing. What do you want to call it?"
She doesn't have an answer.

I asked her if the title mattered, she said kinda, but it isn't a deal breaker at this time.

I call it the 'organic approach' as that sounds less idiotic than 'go with the flow.' I find that relationships like this are fun until they are not, and they can adapt quickly as either party needs. If she finds some guy that she thinks she can fall in love with, I'll wish her good luck and try to stay on as a friend (unless she or the new guy aren't cool with that).

But sometimes love happens, like it did last time. But it was one way. From her to me, but not the other way. That kinda sucked.

I see what you mean, but if you connect, have great chemistry, and can hang out comfortably, then to me it's a relationship. the whole "title" issue really bothers me.

To obtain a title, you have to committ to the practices and norms associated with the title.

No one does the full duties of a manager not to have the title of a manager.


And btw, the whole "romantic thing" man, to me, in this day and age, if you find a girl that you have fun with, great chemistry and connection, that's romantic. So much of the social and dating scene has become so artificial that anything genuine is romantic IMO.