[Revolution]

Yeah, it's another thread about problems with women. If you don't want to respond, that's ok; this thread is as much for me as for anything/anybody else.
I've been seeing my gf for a little over 2 years. We were very happy together for the first, say, 16 months. Then she moved in with me.
My complaints (which I've explained to her time and again) are as follows: she's 36 years old, has a master's degree (albeit in English -- a pretty useless degree, IMO --) and she has barely ever held a full time job in her life. Both of her parents were/are tenured college professors, and she grew up in a world of privilege. She basically has no real world job skills, and is even unable to do something so simple as drive her car on the highway. (Currently, she works 15 hours a week as a library clerk.) She starts crying at the drop of a hat, because she's been so sheltered/isolated from the real world that virtually anything/everything is extremely traumatic to her. As I've said to my friends many times before, it's like I'm dating an 8 year old. She doesn't contribute to any household expenses -- not the mortgage/rent, not utilities, phone bill, internet, oil bill, nothing. (She occasionally buys some groceries. That's it.)
Yet, I still care about her. And I want to do right by her. After all, I was the one who asked her to come live with me. And if I kick her out, she'll end up exactly where she was when we started dating: in a lousy apartment in a lousy part of the city (Boston).
So, on the one hand, the relationship is utterly over: hell, I haven't even so much as kissed her in about 6 months. I actually avoid contact with her (and yes, she's very pretty).
On the other hand, I feel incredibly guilty, and I have to acknowledge that she tries to be a good companion. I suffer from clinical depression, and she tries to bring me comfort.
But I guess the bottom line is that I know the relationship needs to end, but I don't know how to end it in a proper, moral way.
Do you have any thoughts?

[muerteverde]

Help her find a job? You need to talk to her about the future of your relationship and about the problems you just mentioned. It sounds like your main problem is a total lack of communication.

It would be wrong to just kick her to the curb and leave her hanging like that. Let her down gently if you must. Why haven't you kissed her in 6 months and what reaction has this total lack of contact had? You seem a like a pretty cold person.

[BasRuttenFan]

Never easy to end it properly or morally in an easy way. But by the sounds of it, that shit is depressing in and of itself. With your history, you should probably find a way to end it.

[markulous]

Just tell her what you wrote just now. Explain to her that she isn't contributing anything financially or emotionally. Say that you can't live like this. Apologise for asking her to move in but just explain that you thought it would be different. Hopefully she understands. Either way it sounds like she has to go.

[Screwtape73]

I'm no Ann Landers so I won't presume to give you advice on this. I read it, and I feel for you. Best of luck.

[TankPuncher1432]

Im not an advice person, i just want to say this, find the best way as possible to end it with her. Best of luck.

[Revolution]

Originally Posted by muerteverde

Help her find a job? You need to talk to her about the future of your relationship and about the problems you just mentioned. It sounds like your main problem is a total lack of communication.

It would be wrong to just kick her to the curb and leave her hanging like that. Let her down gently if you must. Why haven't you kissed her in 6 months and what reaction has this total lack of contact had? You seem a like a pretty cold person.

I can understand why you would call me a cold person. I won't argue with you. But I wasn't always this way. I've just lost my respect/affection for her. I really did try. Hell, I *wanted* her to move in with me. But she has just been so emotionally erratic, and so utterly dependent, that I've lost my sense of affection for her. If that makes me cold, well, I guess that's just me. I didn't want it to be this way.

[ubergertrude]

what i get from this is that you live with a pretty eight year-old type whom you dislike and which you feel guilty for. Your guilt has resolved into depression. The answer seems clear imho

but if you were the instigator as you say, you must also instigate the breakup or it will never happen.

the trick is; not feeling guilty about it. tough when you've messed up so seriously.

[rammerjammer]

Fuck her best friend.

[endurance]

Just say what you posted. Because of depression you may be exagerateing.