Need help understanding a relationship.

cyborgassassin · 09-03-2008, 03:58 PM

I started seeing this very cute girl about a month or so ago, things started out great and we hit it off really well. I discovered (she told me) that she had been broken up with her ex for about 4 months and that he cheated on her and she was devestated.

she has two kids and is only 27, she is still very attractive. I really like her ( i know i sound like a pussy)

we spent the weekend at a cabin for the weekend and the whole time she just seemed so distant and disconnected, I didnt feel that affectionate girl i was used to.

eventually i got frustrated and told her how i felt about her being so distant.(it was obvious to me she was missing her ex) she just wouldnt talk and I told her it was a mistake bringing me to the cabin.

we havent spoke since. its been 3 days.

I ask because everybody needs advice sometimes and I am no exception.

I want this to work out.

thebluerider · 09-03-2008, 04:00 PM

She's not ready yet, and there is nothing you can do about it. I don't think it's going to work out. Sorry.

pharaoh · 09-03-2008, 04:04 PM

You are just a rebound guy whom she is using to make herself feel better. She has kids with her ex, and it has only been 4 months since they broke up. Eventually she will get back together with him.

Do your emotions a favor and get out now.

JJ FRENCH · 09-03-2008, 04:05 PM

2 kids with the ex and only 4 months removed from the break up?

You're nothing but a rebound right now.

Move on. Wait until she's aty least a year removed and through the toughest part. Her ex may still be pressuring her and you're nothing but a pawn.

Clone · 09-03-2008, 04:05 PM

let her go for a while. call her up in a couple of months and gage if she is ready by your conversations. aside form that or getting stuck in the friend zone. there is no hope.

cyborgassassin · 09-03-2008, 04:06 PM

I forgot to say that her two kids are from two different guys and the first one was when she was 15 and the second 7 years later, niether of whome are her recent ex.

Do i have any option to make this perhaps work in the end.

cyborgassassin · 09-03-2008, 04:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clone

let her go for a while. call her up in a couple of months and gage if she is ready by your conversations. aside form that or getting stuck in the friend zone. there is no hope.

thank you! I really appreciate all of you for taking the time to give your advice.

Tiger Uppercut · 09-03-2008, 04:10 PM

*Waits for Zeke to come in and bless u with how to handle this*

RJ43 · 09-03-2008, 04:22 PM

I've been in almost identical situation, minus the children.

Bottom line: GO SLOW. She will not fall for you at the same pace you will fall for her. She'll seek you out for emotional/physical affection, but the relationship will be lacking anything real until she is fully healed.

I'd suggest an open relationship if she's down with it. Prepare for ups and downs and a lot of nights wondering if she is still thinking of him and if she has real feelings for you.

It's a ton of work and stress and I would say find someone else unless you truely feel something special for her.

Randy Couture 1 · 09-03-2008, 04:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cyborgassassin

I started seeing this very cute girl about a month or so ago, things started out great and we hit it off really well. I discovered (she told me) that she had been broken up with her ex for about 4 months and that he cheated on her and she was devestated.

she has two kids and is only 27, she is still very attractive. I really like her ( i know i sound like a pussy)

we spent the weekend at a cabin for the weekend and the whole time she just seemed so distant and disconnected, I didnt feel that affectionate girl i was used to.

eventually i got frustrated and told her how i felt about her being so distant.(it was obvious to me she was missing her ex) she just wouldnt talk and I told her it was a mistake bringing me to the cabin.

we havent spoke since. its been 3 days.

I ask because everybody needs advice sometimes and I am no exception.

I want this to work out.

It doesn't sound like she's ready for another relationship, personally I'd give her time (you go out and meet other women) don't put you're life on hold for a woman.. let her come to her sense and see you moving on and she's dwelling about the past.. if she's still in love with her ex.. get out of this relationship NOW!! this isn't bashing on you.. but you'll never compete with an ex.. as much as he's been a dickhead to her.. she sounds like she's damaged goods and women like that keep going back and getting hurt.. don't allow yourself to be hurt, because she can't sort her head out (easier said then done) just last year I went on a date with a lass who brought up she'd slept her brothers friend and how he broke her heart.. once she said that I was like well this isn't for me I'm not a shoulder to cry on.. I expect sex, hanging out, doing stuff together from this relationship not you dwelling on your brothers friend.. she didn't like but tough I'm not going to date someone who's still got feelings for someone else or nor should you.. there is loads of hot single attractive women out there waiting for you.. let this one move on