light hearted jab at religion

whipyourasstyle · 02-14-2008, 05:21 AM

God is Asleep Theory
Or
Even if there is a God We Are Fucked

But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day.
2 Peter 3:8

Being an avid reader of science and of religious materials I have formulated a theory of God and why he does not seem to have been present in the world for a long time.

Scientifically the age of the Earth is estimated to be about 5-6 billion years old. The Bible maintains that the Earth was created in 6 days. Many people have suggested that a "day" to God may be more than the 24 hour period that we humans have designated. So let's say that a day to God is a billion years. This way Christians and science can be in harmony.

Now if you read the Old Testament, you will see that plenty of people got to speak to God, or at least an incarnation of God: Abraham, Solomon, Job and Moses to name a few. Then Jesus came along and he WAS God. As far as Christianity goes there has been nothing since then. Anyone who has claimed to have spoken directly to God since then has generally found trouble (ironically just like Jesus). These “nuts” have been burned at the stake or had tanks come and shoot fire into their compound.

So Jesus was the last time God has been seen in the world. Since he spoke “the word of god” we can also say that is the last time God has spoken to anyone. If you're Mormon you might disagree, but if you're Mormon you're crazy anyway so go away. (To the Mormons--if you think I'm making fun of your religion, I am, crazy fucking bastards.)

Now, the bible isn't clear as to when exactly the sixth day ended. But what if, and I think this makes a certain amount of sense, the day Jesus died was midnight on the sixth day for God? I mean clearly if Jesus was God he wasn't resting when Jesus was alive. Jesus walked around and preformed miracles, which I hear is very tiresome, and of course crucifixion is no picnic. So after Jesus dies, comes back and leaves again, God thinks, "Well my work here is done, all men are saved, I think I'll have a sandwich and call it a day." So he goes home to heaven to take his sixth day nap.

So we know that this whole Jesus thing was somewhere close to 2000 years ago. The Bible seems to indicate that God is going to rest for the whole day. A day to God is a billion years. So by following the steps of logic: 1,000,000,000 - 2000 = 999,998,000 it should be about another billion years or so, give or take a few millennia, until we can expect God to wake up. Until then we're all alone.

Sucks doesn't it?

Raiman · 02-14-2008, 05:27 AM

God spoke to Mohammed though the angel (Gaberial?). So that would have been the last time Gods "presence" was on Earth.

WAKAMAKA · 06:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raiman

God spoke to Mohammed though the angel (Gaberial?). So that would have been the last time Gods "presence" was on Earth.

Yeap. Also, in Islam, jesus isn't dead. He never died.
The man on the crucifix is not considered to be Jesus, but the man who betrayed him.

Very different from christianity.

Why am i telling you this.....i dont know

.

Jay Pan ROKK · 02-14-2008, 06:37 AM

God talk to us everyday.

lefecious · 02-14-2008, 06:40 AM

"As I raised my arms skyward I angrily shouted at God, 'WHY?'
God replied, 'Why not?'"

NerfKnees · 02-14-2008, 07:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lefecious

"As I raised my arms skyward I angrily shouted at God, 'WHY?'
God replied, 'Why not?'"

Best bandwagons eva. Glay "Decision Robbed" Guida. Ron "Read the Damn Constitution" Paul. Jim "The Gonad" Cozad.

Anyway, with regards to the thread, I can talk while resting. It says He rests, which doesn't exactly mean He is unconscious or apathetic. Though my knowledge of religion is painfully shallow.