This is my no BS rules on chicks.
I write this because I still remember very much what its like to be someone's cuddle bitch, to be rejected and hurt badly and not know where to go and how long and hard it took for me to start going out and meeting women again. Even more so to actually develop my pimp hand and become confident with women. I was very much a social outcast in some ways (despite being a sociable person) when I was younger and I had to take a very long road to finding that confidence. That and I'm sick of the number of guys crying in this forum.
I'm not going to rehash crap from The Ladder Theory or other posts. Before I begin, I will give you all mandatory reading material:
http://www.sherdog.net/forums/showthread.php?t=298685
http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html
This thread will assume you've read these.
Also, I'd like to say this is all primarily devoted to picking up chicks. Admittedly, some of it extends to how to conduct yourself in all your relationships but some it is not obviously appropriate and I ask you all to extend common sense to some of it. I am flippant with some points made but ultimately you need to realise that women aren't that hard to deal with when picking up. Picking up, by and large, is a very easy process once you get the feel for it. Relationships are MUCH harder - because you're cutting past the bullshit, getting to know each other and getting to build something together. You get to know her a lot better, she gets to know you. ANYWAYZ - this guide is not really for people in a relationship but for guys struggling to meet, and pick up chicks. Whether it be for dating or one night stands.
It came through trial and error, reading, oberving people and listening to my friends. Much like BJJ, I studied myself, my approach, women and their basic psychology. Through experience I learned much of what the old school players said was, by and large true. Its sad to admit many things, like, women don't really want guys to dote on them at their beck and call but its true. I used to hate players for advice like that but you know what? A lot of it is true. So don't hate the player, hate the game. Yes it sucks, but this is the reality of women so its best to understand it and learn how to work it.
Whats more I'd like to add I never lied. Real players don't need to lie. If you're a liar, you're not a player IMHO. But I am subjective with the image I put forward. People represent themselves however they want every day, they put forward their ideal image. That's all picking up is - knowing how to present and sell yourself (not that different to a job interview really).
I will elaborate more in other posts how and where to meet girls but I figure I'd start light with some basic foundations I want you all to get down first.
So anyway, my brothers - I dedicate this to the nerds, player haters and cuddle bitches out there. Read this and learn.
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Now, I am going to try and break this down as simply as possible.
There are five rules I want you to remember. These rules affect YOU and YOU alone and how YOU carry yourself. These are the most important things to remember:
5 FACTS ABOUT YOU:
1) You are the man
2) Absolutely no woman is beyond your means
3) You should try to look the part
4) You can leave any woman you want, whenever you want
5) Be the man
Now these are more than mere facts, for you fellow Sherdoggers, they are universal truth. If you do not believe any of the five things I'm saying above, nothing I can say here will help you.
1) YOU ARE THE MAN
This is what psychologists and motivational speakers call self actualisation.
You need to know that you are "the man". You need to tell yourself this. You need to know this in your heart and mind. You need to see yourself the way you want to be seen by others. This may sound cheesy but how the hell do you expect to impress some hot chick in a club if you don't sound confident or impressive?
This affects all your relationships - with your friends, family, your co-workers, your boss. If you do not have confidence in yourself or your words, it shows. And they know it. If you speak with confidence, people seldom question you.
Have a picture in your mind of how you want to be seen and do whatever it is you need to do inside your head to prop yourself up. Do it several times a day if you have to until you do it reflexively. Look in the mirror if you have to and say "I am the man". Whatever.
Everything else you do hinges on having this vision. So make it happen.
2) ABSOLUTELY NO WOMAN IS BEYOND YOUR MEANS
Now granted there are some fat guys out there or less than attractive males out there (which we'll address in a moment) and admittedly not all guys are dealt a fair hand by life in this area. But I'll be honest, I've seen some ugly dudes with some fit chicks too. How did they land them? More than likely, they had the guts to approach her while most guys made the flawed assumption she was beyond their reach.
Stemming from one, once you know you are the man, you must know that no woman is beyond you. When you approach her, it must be with confidence. You know you are the hottest thing since sliced bread, she just doesn't know it yet. So its important that when you introduce yourself it be done with the appropriate amount of style and charisma and confidence.
If no woman is beyond your reach, why did that hot chick just knock you back?
It's because women are inherently stupid creatures and clearly don't recognise greatness when confronted with it. Just write her off as too stupid to be worth pursuing and move on. I think its often good to do an assessment of the situation and how it could have been better handled, but don't beat yourself up over it too much should it occur. Just honestly assess your tactics, refine them for next time.
3) YOU SHOULD TRY TO LOOK THE PART
Look, there are some ugly dudes who score well and often give no consideration to this. But I'll be honest. Chicks dig a guy who can groom, pick vaguely sensible clothes, not smell and takes a measure of pride in his appearance by working out. I wouldn't expect you to want to date some fat unattractive girl that smells, so don't be unreasonable in your expectations (or judgemental of her for having some). Believe me, she does. So work out. I'm not saying be a Calvin Klein model or anything but if life has dealt you a shit hand, you have only all the more reason to improve it.
Some guys find having a nice car, house, job, and all that crap goes a long way. I won't lie -- it certainly helps. But its non essential. I include this step only to say, that if you feel this is part of your image required to be the man you want to be, then make it happen. Otherwise, skip to rule 4.
Besides which, having washboard abs or big arms can only help your chances. To say nothing of the fact that it came down to you and another guy of equal personality, who is she going to go for? That's right, the one thats higher on the ladder. Sad but true. So work on improving your potential ladder status.
4) YOU CAN LEAVE ANY WOMAN YOU WANT, WHENEVER YOU WANT
This applies to guys stuck in shitty relationships as well as guys who are hung up on some girl who knocked them back.
You can leave any relationship you want at any time, all you have to do is turn around, walk away and not look back. Is it hard? Depends on how long the relationship has been, but yeah its not always easy. But it can be done. Whats more, long term you will thank yourself for it.
If you are hung up on a girl who rejected you, walk away, find another woman.
If you are hung up on an ex, walk away, find another woman.
If you are in a shit relationship with someone who isn't treating you the way you want, find another woman.
Obviously in a relationship if its not working, you might want to solve it and talk it out but ultimately what I am saying here is that if you really want to walk away, you do have the power to make it happen. You also have the power to forget them. But you have to take the steps in putting thoughts into action. Motion creates emotion, capiche?
There are BILLIONS of women on this planet. Odds are, more than one will make you happy long term. Odds are even greater that many of them will make you happy for a short while and get your mind off your existing problems. So once you know its over, stop whining, stop pining - get on with with it.
Don't ever get hung up on one chick. If it didn't work out, move onto the next one. Even if you do not think you are ready, get up and move on. It's like sales, its a numbers game and you really do need to put some fucking effort into it. So thats one chick who make a stupid choice (see rule 1 down below), theres other women out there who are worthy of your greatness and more importantly want it. So find them.
5) BE THE MAN
Time to put it into action. Start being the man you want to be. Sounds simple? No this means when you talk to people you must sound confident like you visualise. It means if you want to get fit, then start going to gym. Start going to the clubs you want to go to, whatever. Just put the plan into action. Make it happen. Be who you want to be.
Now
FIVE FACTS ABOUT WOMEN
These are very important things to remember about THEM:
1) WOMEN ARE STUPID
2) WOMEN DO WANT SEX
3) WOMEN LOVE CONFIDENCE
4) WOMEN LIKE INTRIGUE
5) WOMEN LIKE MEN
1) WOMEN ARE STUPID
Ok well they're not stupid. But they are alien to our way of thinking. So its important to realise that a women will not make the same choices we would because their brains are wired very differently. They will say and do silly things. Like say they aren't interested, don't want sex, don't see you that way, blah blah blah. So its important to understand that and respect that when they make decisions that defy all common sense and reason. Like when they refuse your proposal yet go home with outlaw biker guy, etc.
It's important to understand that they are frail little creatures and very, very prone to making very, very bad decisions. Like not picking you. Just accept it will happen because they are stupid and things become a lot easier to deal with.
(I really don't think they're stupid btw, but its a good heading and simplifies things heavily).
2) WOMEN WANT SEX
I'm sure we all know some woman who insists she's the Virgin Mary, doesn't think about it, whatever. She's a liar (refer to rule 1). They all do. What's wrong with that? NOTHING. They're only human. But some think it might mark them as a slut for wanting it or all the other social connotations that a lot of stupid guys put out there. Such branding really just makes it harder for guys to score but anyway...
The point is, they want it. You just need to tap into it. Usually weaving sexual innuendo into the conversation is the key. For two reasons:
i) sus out her response to you with that context in mind
ii) get her thinking about it and possibly getting wet (if she's interested in you, see below, then innuendo helps)
However, there's a catch.
The more subtlely you do it, the more likely you are to score. Remember that. Basically think of it like subliminal messaging. You want that side of her brain firing. But its up to you to figure out how to do it, using your own style. This usually comes through trial and error unfortunately (which is why its a numbers game - to improve your technique).
You could be talking about Sean Connery films one minute, next thing you know, a few mock impressions later you could be banging her on a bathroom floor somewhere, leaving her wondering how the fuck she got so turned on so quick. Yet I've seen guys who try and poke women in the ribs, tickle them, make some very open ended, very suggestive phrases and get knocked back repeatedly. Their approach is wrong but I don't tell them that. That stuff works but certainly not if you don't know the chick well enough. Even then its often far too blunt.
Yet I've had conversations and deliberately used words and phrasing so vague that I know they've asked themselves "Did he mean...." and whats more, if I ever got pulled up on it, I could very easily flip it around and so "No actually I meant.... but I guess thats what YOU were thinking..?" Personally, I think its a sign that you are a Jedi Master if you can have an entire conversation like this full of double meanings without ever directly alluding to the deed and get her worked up. Sound impossible? Trust me, it's not.
3) WOMEN LOVE CONFIDENCE
This is part of why your self actualised image is important. How the hell do you expect a woman to want to sleep with you if you don't even believe that she should?!?
You need to be confident when you approach a girl. You need to be able to smile, look her in the eye, shake her hand, offer to buy her a drink or whatever. If she knocks you back, you should be man enough to nod, apologise for bothering her and wish her a good evening and move on without batting an eyelid. Too bad for her if she didn't recognise you are "the man". Her loss, you're free to move on to make another woman's day!
Being able to get up and walk away from any woman, even after a rejection - and to do so with grace, can do suprisingly well in your stead. Because despite the rejection, she can see you are non-phased and can still carry yourself well in a less than perfect situation. That is confidence and even if she knocked you back, there is a chance she might reconsider her hasty decision if you can demonstrate that (although you should never rely on that or more to the point, even care if she does!).
But believe me when I say that you can walk up to a lot of women with little else than a smile and ask for a kiss and be amazed at what you get. You just have to believe its possible and believe in yourself.
4) WOMEN LIKE INTRIGUE
When I was picking up, you think I told chicks I played Dungeons and Dragons (which I do) and played video games like Worlds of Warcraft?!? HELL NO. I said I did weights and MMA. I was training for amateur fighting. I didn't say I wanted to be a pro (coz I don't - I never lied), but I wanted to do it just to say I've done a real fight as something different. This piqued a lot of chick's interest. Not a lot of guys say they want to do that. I'd start a whole conversation from there. To be fair, I know a few chicks that play WOW and you might pick up that way, but they're a minor number. If you want to pick up, talking about WOW isn't a good idea.
I'm not saying you need to have some obscure hobby or interest. But you do have to be interesting. If I'd said that D&D and RPGs were my primary hobbies, how often would I have picked up? Bugger all. Women like to be interested but they want a guy who can carry a conversation, have interesting topics to talk about and not be a dork. I'm sad to say it but referring back to rule 1, women can be shallow creatures sometimes and they really do care about the opinions of their friends. If you're a super nerd, your chances of picking up are really hard if she can't justify to her friends in someways why her approval of you should be validated. It's up to you to paint a picture there is more to you than meets the eye.
Be interesting but don't be effeminite. Also don't be a nerd. If you need an angle, look at what you do as a whole (your job, studies, hobbies, things you've done) and honestly assess what could be the most interesting thing a woman might be interested in. You don't need to bring it up in conversation but it helps to have something to talk about when you get the ball rolling.
You don't want to tell them your entire lifestory upon first meeting, but you sure as shit want to pique their interest enough they want to learn more about you. Which is what its about -- piquing her interest to want to get to know you (on whatever level).
If you don't immediately repulse a woman and can begin a conversation with her and after 5 min you get into a discussion about bunji jumping or something and she's smiling and hanging on your every word, that is a very good sign. It's by no means a guarantee but its a step up from a flat out rejection. Which is all you want when you first approach someone.
5) WOMEN LIKE MEN
There has to be some sort of machismo. Not saying you need to be some butch outlaw biker guy but if there isn't something vaguely masculine (ie. alpha male) and interesting about what you do you, then your chances are very slim.
Also, some say they want emotional men or men who can show their feelings. Bullshit. Sorry, don't ever, ever fall for it. There's two reasons for this:
i) brief moments of weakness can and will be used against you (often when you are least prepared for it and it will do the most damage)
ii) they will be more attracted to a guy who is more masculine than you because he is a greater 'alpha male'
I'm not going to say I haven't had my moments, I certainly have. Especially in a relationship. But I try to minimise them and remind myself of this and keep it in check.
When picking up, showing you have a sensitive side is not always a good move. In talking about people, stating you can sympathise with a person or situation is one thing, as it shows you are able to perceive other people/situations and try to glean insight from it. It also shows consideration. That's good. But getting emotional about her or your past, is not good. It shows you are not man enough, not confident enough and thus, you will fail. That stuff might be socially acceptable in a relationship, but certainly not when you're trying to impress some random chick for the first time. So leave that crap behind.
I might write more but I'm tired. Anyway for now, memorise these 10 laws (5 for you, 5 about her). Digest them, think about them, post away. If you have questions, I'll happily respond.
- J.
