I feel like I've "settled"

Timetravel_0 · 08-26-2008, 04:04 AM

We've been married for 3 years and together for 4 but I feel like I just "settled" for my wife and it bothers me constantly. It's horrible feeling like this since she is my wife and I love her but I still feel like I shortchanged myself. My wife is a great person and makes a great wife and I know I love her but dont feel like I've ever been IN love with her. From the first day we started dating I told myself (and even some friends) that I was just with her until something better came along. The main reason for this was because she had two kids (now my stepchildren). We broke up many times, and it was always me breaking up with her but after a couple of weeks we'd get back together. The last time we broke up I really thought it was going to be the end of it and I had no problem staying away until she called saying she was pregnant. We got back together, and since I was raised with old fashioned, religious values I told her we needed to get married. A couple of months later we were married and the first year of our marriage was extremely tough on me. Trying to get used to having an instant family after years of bachelorhood was tough.

The thing is I never in a million years thought that I would've married a girl with kids. I also wanted to marry a professional woman with some sort of career. My wife was a high school drop out and never has had a career so to speak. Also, I know for a fact that I was not ready to get married when I did. I was a late bloomer as far as the dating scene goes and despite some hookups and flings, my wife was my first and only real relationship. I even feel resentful towards my wife's past because she's had live in boyfriends and was far more experienced than me as far as relationships go when we met. But, I honestly know the only reason we got married is because of my daughter and the the only reason we haven't gotten divorced is my daughter. I love my daughter so much that the thought of not being able to see her everyday is almost unthinkable. But, I wonder how much this can keep us together. I've seen loveless marriages where the couple stay together for the kids and it's no way to live. I feel really bad thinking like this because the love my wife has for me is unmistakeable. It reminds me of the thread a couple of weeks ago about if you could make yourself love someone. I've also heard that saying that it's better to be with someone that loves you than someone you love. I just feel so unhappy and unfulfilled all the time and wonder if it's because of "settling".

Dane Bramage · 08-26-2008, 04:07 AM

You need some couples counseling. You're dealing with serious issues that need to be addressed before you ruin your daughters life by either: fighting with your wife (excessively), cheating on your wife, something worse.

You have a couple of hurdles you personally need to overcome. Even if you have to go alone, in private, you should go.

KicDaKitty · 08-26-2008, 04:08 AM

If you knew you didn't want to be with her and make a commitment why did you get her pregnant?

Dane Bramage · 08-26-2008, 04:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KicDaKitty

If you knew you didn't want to be with her and make a commitment why did you get her pregnant?

If you read his post, you find out that it wasn't planned.

KicDaKitty · 08-26-2008, 04:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dane Bramage

If you read his post, you find out that it wasn't planned.

Well if I'm dating a guy I know I don't want to be with for the rest of my life I make sure I don't get pregnant. There are ways to prevent pregnancy.

Dane Bramage · 08-26-2008, 04:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KicDaKitty

Well if I'm dating a guy I know I don't want to be with for the rest of my life I make sure I don't get pregnant. There are ways to prevent pregnancy.

Unless you're 100% abstinent, you're "ways to prevent pregnancy" are not 100% effective.

KicDaKitty · 08-26-2008, 04:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dane Bramage

Unless you're 100% abstinent, you're "ways to prevent pregnancy" are not 100% effective.

I'm not going to argue with you. I'm just saying that people have sex using the right forms of protection without ever getting pregnant.

Dane Bramage · 08-26-2008, 04:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KicDaKitty

I'm not going to argue with you. I'm just saying that people have sex using the right forms of protection without ever getting pregnant.

Sure. Sometimes people use "the right forms of protection" and STILL GET PREGNANT. Grow a brain or GTFO.

cmburns · 08-26-2008, 04:26 AM

I highly doubt his wife was on birth control and got pregnant. Even though it's never 100% it's something like 99.3% effective.

KicDaKitty · 08-26-2008, 04:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dane Bramage

Sure. Sometimes people use "the right forms of protection" and STILL GET PREGNANT. Grow a brain or GTFO.

lol great point. You really got me there.