If your in a great relationship, you may want to read my other thread titled, "Things that make a relationship work:
Things that work in a relationship. Yeah, I know its ironic that a guy that is going through a break up made a thread about making relationships work, but it is a pretty good thread, so don't knock it til you read it.
But now to focus on coping with losing a relationship. I'm on my fourth day and I'm doing pretty darn well! So here are some good tips for anyone that has to deal with this unfortunate milestone:
-Take down all reminders of her quick, pics, gifts, etc. (I think most people do this pretty automatically).
-Go out with people and stay busy. But don't bring her up everytime you are out with a friend. It will get bothersome to that friend. Try to stay focused on what you are doing with them.
-Picture yourself as being happy in your head, and try to put a smile on your face even when no ones watching. Just practicing a smile actually helps you to feel better, it releases endorphins.
-Nights and mornings are the hardest, so for a while, give yourself permission to party like your 20 (it helps if you are 20). Alright, you don't necessarily need to party, but I mean stay up and keep busy until your so tired that when your head hits the pillow you fall asleep rather than sit their tossing and turning and reliving good but painful memories. If you wake up early and you can't fall back to sleep, don't toss and turn, have a good self-help book by your bed and read it until you fall asleep again. However, if reading isn't your thing, then get up and be productive. I've gotten up as early as 4:30 am rather than tossed and turned. Yeah it affected by day, but I remained determined to perservere.
-Don't try to remain friends with the person, at least not at first. That doesn't mean become an enemy, nor that you should be rude to her if you see her in public. It just means don't contact her, or go to lunch with her. Especially if she broke up with you. Break ups are painful for both sides. But often time the person that breaks up subconciously (or conciously) abuses the support from the dumpee. The dumpee who still loves the dumper is ready for that phone call at anytime and is there for the support. Unfortunately, for the dumpee, that one phone call is all the support they need. The person may call and say she is sad and lonely and miss you, then you are there to support them hoping for something more, but then they feel supported and she is right back to living her life without you, while you are still in shambles and don't feel supported at all. Its a lot easier (although it won't feel easy) to just stop the communication. Which leads to my next point.
-Leave the cell phone at home. Don't sit there and agonize waiting for a call. I was in that position in an earlier break up. You are walking and you say, "Did I just feel my phone vibrate?" ...nope. "Is my phone working?"...yep, just not getting any calls. "I just took a piss and left my phone at my desk, maybe I got a call!"...nope. Soon you have looked at your phone 200 times and been disappointed 200 times. Leave the phone at home and when you get home and there are no calls on it from that person...you've only been dissapointed once.
-To depressed to go out? Do it anyway. Your not going to get any less depressed sitting at home alone.
-This strategy is something new I'm trying, I'm not sure if it works yet, but I hope it does. After a relationship, you discover there are literally hundreds if not thousands of things that you didn't even realize had a sentimental connection to that person. For example, last night the new season of Top Chef came on. I watched the first season with her, so I was about to flip the channel because of the painful sentimental connection. Instead i said, "Fuck it, I have a right to enjoy this show." And I did. Same with the radio station in my car. It was her favorite radio station, so I had been driving in silence, but then I said, "Fuck it, I have a right to enjoy this station to!" So I did.
-If you need to cry, go ahead and cry. I know we are a bunch of macho ass men in here, but I'm not saying sob on your buddies shoulder. If you are at home and you are feeling down to the point of nearly crying, don't suppress it, let it out. You will probably feel physically better afterwards. Realize that you are going to feel pain and that its normal. I mean, yeah its abnormal in the sense that you normally don't wake up every morning feeling like vomiting based on pure emotion. But it is normal in that break ups are pretty much the rock bottom of emotional milestones for most people. Some research has even said that its up there with the death of a loved one. So when you hit bottom during the day, remind yourself that its actually your body doing something very healthy. Its like, if you put your hand on a fire unknowingly, you want your body to send a message saying, ouch! Unfortunately, after you remove your hand from the fire, it may hurt for a couple of weeks. You kind of want to tell your body, "Yeah, I get it. It hurts. I need to take care of it. Stop sending the pain message." But, your body is doing its job and its doing it right. And if you pay attention to its message, you will learn from it. You'll never put your hand in another fire. Thats not to say, you will never suffer from another break up, but you will probably learn a lot from the mistakes of that relationship which is powerful.
-Eat for sustenance sake. Some people tend to eat a ton when they are down, while others lose their appetite all together. Neither one is healthy. So stop eating for the sake of enjoyment and eat simply to sustain yourself.
-Exercise. This is especially good when you are trying to stay busy and no one is around. But actually work out. Don't go for a stroll, break a sweat. The point is to (A) release endorphins and (B) stop ruminating on thoughts of that person. If you work out hard, you'll be thinking about the burn not her.
Please add your own tips as well.
