HELP, I still love my ex =(

Muntant · 12-19-2007, 12:37 PM

Ok I have got to talk about this to get this shit of my chest and maybe to get some advice or some support or what not.

About 3 months ago me and my girl friend of two and a half years broke up. When I was dating her I thought she was perfect and I loved her to death. She was the first girl I actually had an emotional connection with and not just a physical one. She was adopted from Korea at the age of 2 by her parents, they are the hardcore Christian type. Her parents control every aspect of her life including dating so we had to sneak around behind there backs. When I stared to date her she made it clear with me that she wanted to save sex till marriage and I was totally fine with that. So we dated for the two and a half years and we had our ups and our downs (more downs than ups), some of the downs were really down like when she went on a 2 week vacation with her parents and the first thing she does when she gets back is goes to see a friend and not me (I should have ended it right then but I was stupid and in love).

But any ways on to when the break up started. About 4 months ago her parents were looking in her phone and saw a text message describing the blow job she gave me the night before. (She wanted to be a virgin but we did every thing other than vaginal and anal sex) When her parents saw this message they had a talk with her telling her to break up with me, she told them that she would but she did not. She told me about the talk and said the exact words "no matter what we will be together forever, I love you". About 2 weeks after she said that she texts me with "Hey, we are over" I was devastated so I called her immediately. She said she was breaking up with me for many reasons and I am going to list the major ones.

1. she wants to retire early (age 45) and does not think I can provide for that lifestyle
2. I am not a Christian and god told her to break up with me. (During the beginning she was fine that I was not Christian)
3. The sexual acts we did (She started most of the sexual advances as I was not sure how far she wanted to go)
4. Her parents wanted her to.

So it was an ugly break up and after a while I thought I got over her. last week I wanted to burry the hatchet with her because we live with in a half mile of each other so I call her up and we start to talk. I am being nice and civil and then out of the blue she starts in on "My new boy friend is going to kick your ass" (I am not afraid lol).

Bottom line is she is a horrible and crazy person that lied to me and treated me like i was worthless to her,but I still love her and miss being with her......... I have no idea what to do any more.

NasDestiny · 12-19-2007, 12:43 PM

I've been there before man, but that's the way it is. It might not be what you want to hear, but you have to let her go, cause otherwise things could get unhealthy. Just give yourself some time.

cheese7668 · 12-19-2007, 12:53 PM

Cut off all contact but dont be mean to her. Its not easy, and there will be shitty days and there will be good days. The bottom line is, you have to tell yourself that you wont go back no matter what.

Hell, I broke up with my fiance (together for 3 years) last summer, and there are still days that I miss her for one reason or another. She would call me all the time to try and talk, and I finally got through to her that she couldnt do that.

In the end, avoid looking back (accept that she was not the one for you), put one foot in front of the other, and trust that things will get better.

syon · 12-19-2007, 12:57 PM

Dude above me is right. Don't have any contact with her... outta sight, outta mind. Time heals all, dude. She doesn't sound like a dream girl and you will realize that as time goes on. Good luck, man... we've all been there at some point in time.

Ok · 12-19-2007, 01:02 PM

wow that is rough, sorry for your difficulties.

there is always so much to these scenarioes, what I would note is her reasons for breaking up. They really cover the spectrum from personal motivations, spiritual values, parental guidelines and guilt.

for which reasons I would be careful to accept any of them at face value.

only advice I can give is that which makes sense when you are over this phase when - pursue your own interests. However when you have feelings for someone else it is not to easy to think straight or rationally.

Smashandgrab · 12-19-2007, 01:03 PM

Dude, I've been in that exact same situation, the religion, the parents, the guilt. Trust me bro, you are far better off. Chicks like this are so sheltered by their parents they develop a warped sense of reality.

Move on and find someone who's more in sync to who you are. Trust me.

FightSport · 12-19-2007, 01:10 PM

I am in that situation right now bro. I love my ex so much the pain is unbearable. She doesn't want it though, says she needs her time to be alone and grow (she overcame a rough childhood but I never gave her the environment she needed to grow). We broke up in July after three years of off and on. Same I thought I was ok too at first but after seeing her at a wedding of a friend we hung out a bit, hooked up a little bit and all of my feelings came right back. I knew that I had to have her back, I love her on a completely different level. Only problem is she doesn't agree, and these last 5 weeks have the absolute toughest of my life.

My only advice, it needs to be accepted by you man. This is just the way it is and there is no other way around it. Slowly, very slowly, but surely I am coming around on this as well. It's beyond hard man, but you've gotta trust that you'll make it through and be much better off in the long run.

NHB7 · 12-19-2007, 01:17 PM

Break ups are hard as hell. I honestly believe our society doesnt really acknowledge how hard break ups are because people seem to not realize what a tragedy they can be to a person until the are going through it.

Anyway, I want you to use your rational right now man. I think if you listen to your mind and not your heart, you will probably realize she is not the person for you. When you accept that, you also have to accept that you are going to feel pain for a while. That is part of the moving on process. Love truly is intoxicating almost like a drug and indeed it changes you chemically like a drug as well. If you remove it, you quite literally go through withdrawals felt emotionally. But if you quit a drug, you can't go back and take just a puff. Same with a break up man, you have to cut all ties with her.

Good luck to you man.

FingerInTheEye · 12-19-2007, 01:18 PM

The single best advice everyone has given: Move on.

From the sound of things, you two, are pretty young, especially if her parents are controlling her that way. And if you're not young, and her parents are STILL controlling, consider yourself lucky that you dodged a bullet.

Don't just consider this a break-up, but use this time to grow as a person as well. Believe me when I say, a well adjusted woman with a great personality who you have a lot in common with is wayyyyy more fun....especially if she likes sex....a lot.

Muntant · 12-19-2007, 01:28 PM

First off, thank you all for your advice and support.

I have never had an emotional connection with any girl except for her, physical ones yes but never an emotional one. This may sound gay but I feel alone and it really does scare the shit out of me, I am not afraid of death or any thing like that but this really scares me to my core. I have my friends and family but I don't have the kind of love you get from a relationship or a marriage.

All of my friends and family say that I am better off with out her and that I can do better and I know I can (I can find not only a better looking chick but one that will act like I actually matter to her). The thing is I have never had an emotional connection like with her and I am afraid that I never will again.

Maybe I need to see a shrink.