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Gonna lose mom to lung cancer *update* Lost her
Mom was admitted into home hospice care last Sunday. She was diagnosed in the hospital with Small Cell Lung Cancer. All we really know is she has a very large mass pressing against her lung. She refused a PET and additional CAT scan in order to see if it ****stisized. But it's the docs opinion that it is certainly in her brain because of her confusion.
Home hospice is wonderful. I can't complain at all about the workers. they are caring and compassionate and imo, deserve a special place in heaven. The entire process however is very draining on me.
On Wednesday when the nurse came, she told us mom was "actively dying". She had mottling in her legs and arms. Her hands and feet were like ice. Her toes were blue and her fingers were turning blue. She was hallucinating. She was having 10-15 second apneas and her breathing was very labored, then at night it was very shallow. We were convinced wednesday night was going to be her last because of all the signs. I'll make another thread about the process and euthenasia on another day.
Lo and behold, thursday was the best day she's had in months. She woke up and was bright eyed and bushy tailed all day. She ate well, she was funny, very lucid, and was breathing very well. It was extremely bizarre. I was freaking out a little, cause it does give you a false sense of hope that a miracle is happening.
Today is much of the same. She is very lucid, calm, funny, having a great time. I was a wreck seeing my mother struggle for air and not having the breath to talk, now I'm seeing her talk about getting better and walking around a bit.
Because of these unexpected days with her which were joyful, I think I can let go feeling very good. It's been a real treasure and I know she is much more comfortable than she was a few days prior. Its just hard, because maybe next time she gets bad, I'll hold out a false hope that she might get better. I'm just an emotional wreck right now.
Has anyone experienced hospice with someone?
UPDATE: We buried mom today. She went saturday night around 3 am. she closed her eyes at 8pm and never opened them back up again.
I guess essentially she drowned as her lungs we filling up with fluid at an alarming rate. she was semi ok at 2pm, by the time the hospice nurse came around 3 she was almost totally full. the nurse said it would he hours when she left at 8pm and she was correct.
The entire thing was an emotional rollercoaster. when she had good days, on the good days I wanted to believe a miracle was happening, but on the bad ones, I was crashed back to reality. She had a foot in the grave a few times and lived longer than anyone though she would.
the girggling or lungs cracking was the worst sound. she was literally drowning. luckily she was only in real distress for a few hours until we increased the morphine. Hospice was a tough thing to do, but I would do it all over again. the joy that mom was brought by having her entire family there, was something that I don't think can be matched.
Please stop smoking if you do it.... if you have kids...or parents...make sure they know your wishes. it will save a lot of heartache. thanks for all the wishes and prayers.
Last edited by NeuroNerd; 07-09-2008 at 11:05 PM.
Reason: update
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