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Originally Posted by bweaver
So Iv been seeing this girl now for a couple weeks, I guess not truly seeing, we've been talking for awhile and usually hang out in a group of friends. We get along very good and I really thought that she liked me, I def liked her. We talked about where we stood with eachother and I told her I was interested in her and if things progressed past friends that would be great. Anyway to make a long story short we were all hanging out on saturday night had a good time and I asked her if I could take her out in a week or two just the two of us, she finally agreed. Untill today she said to me "Oh, to be more clear, I only meant to go out as friends nothing more"
So WTF? So first she seems like shes looking for more than friends, and now she only wants to be friends, god I don't understand women and I think that we never will, what does she mean by just friends as in going out? so am I pretty much screwed with taking things further?
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I don't know how old you are, but you made a rookie mistake. No biggy. Every guy makes this rookie mistake and when they are young they are melodramatic (no offense) they say, "I'll never understand women." Again, its no biggy and may even be repairable.
No one ever teaches us how to secure a date and start a relationship. So being the logical thinkers we are, we think, "Alright, I'll just go up and tell her." And in fact that is the advice you will get from other girls, rookie guys, and romantic movies, "Just tell her how you feel man." Shit, I just watched hellboy One today and in the middle the movie was that piece of wisdom "Just tell her how you feel" and lo-and-behold at the end thats just what he does and would you believe it, he wins the girl.
I struggled with women from about the age of 13 to 22. Now it is so easy. I'm not saying that I can now hook up with any girl I meet, but I can almost always get a date with a prospective girl and if I'm interested in her, I can usually progress it.
Part of the trick is this, you don't go spilling all your feelings. I don't know why that doesn't work. It sure is what they say they want. It sure is what is in every romantic movie ever. I won't waste your time with the women like a mystery or a chase spiel (although there is a lot of truth to it) I'll just give you the quick fact: if you spill your guts "I really like you and I want to be your bf and blah blah blah" then in a few days, any spark she had for you is gone.
You almost certainly did sense her like for you. And when she approached you to talk about it (if that is how it happened) rather than spill, all you needed to say is, "Hey, I'm just having fun. No need to rush anything. But why don't we get together this weekend." Thats all it takes. Young guys are scared to do that because they think they are going to push her away, but what if she told you the same thing...you wouldn't stop liking her!
Basically what it comes down to is you know you are doing it right when actions start speaking louder than words. That is, go up to most successful couples and ask them "When did you become boyfriend and girlfriend?" And they will look at each other and say, "hmmm, ummm, when was it? I guess maybe it was this time or maybe when you said." The reason they look to each other to try to figure it out is because they never had the "I really want to be your bf talk." It just happened. They started having fun and three months down the line, even though they never spilled it, they knew they were a couple. They may have set some abitrary anniversay up so they could celebrate later, but as for the realtionship, it just happened.
Starting a relationship is kind of like a good kiss in that way. You know you didn't set your kiss up right when it is proceeded by "Is it okay for me to kiss you now?" And after the kiss you will know it too because you will feel stupid. But when that kiss just up and happens you will be going "holy shit, that was so right."
Anyway, so now she just wants to be friends huh? Great. I suggest that you tell her to invite another friend and you invite a friend as well. She is getting cold feet about the relationship stuff, so don't make it relationshipy. Have a good time, but then cut out early. Next time you see her, say, that was fun we should do it again some time. Anyway, next time you find common ground with her (she says she is interested in a movie or a new restraunt) you say, "I totally want to see that movie too, we should go on saturday." She says, "Okay, but let me just be clear, this is just as friends." You respond this time in a humurous but important way and with a laugh in your voice "Don't be so vain. Evertime I ask you to hang out you think I'm trying to date you. I'm not trying to get stuck in a relationship. I'm just having fun and your invited if you want to come." There, now when you finally get her out one on one as mr fun-loving guy, you simply flirt. Flirting is easy but so many guys mess it up. Here is a quick and easy way to flirt. Act in the same friendly way you always do, only now touch a little more (A LITTLE MORE!...I see some guys practically hand molesting and all there doing is freaking the girl out). Just put you hand on her leg really quick when you two are laughing together. When you need to get by her, touch the small or her back etc. Also, at some point compliment her looks without looking like you are spilling your guts:
Dont say: "I just want to tell you something. Sitting here with you, its like I'm melting looking into your eyes."
Do say: "Its fun hanging out with you. It makes me look even cooler then I already am when I'm walking around with a hot chick." Its funny, its a little cocky, its flirtatious, and it gets the point across without making you look like a sap.
You'll know if she has taken the bate if she starts touching you more, and she compliments your looks. Then at the end of the night either hug her slightly longer than normal if all is going well, or kiss her on the cheek. Before the night is done, set up another date.
Now here is the game playing (I know, you hate it, I hate it, we all hate it, but we must play it). Cancel that date in the middle of the week. Have a good reason that makes you seem interesting. But throw out a new time and see if it works for her.
Do say, "Hey Jessica, I totally forgot I have friends coming in from England that I need to entertain for a couple of nights (or some other legitimate excuse). Can we meet on Sunday night instead."
She may respond, "Sunday doesn't work for me!" To which you can say, "Shoot, well maybe next weekend I can make it up to you."
Point is, you are showing her that she is not the center of your world! And that you are an interesting guy with a life that is interesting outside of her.
Anyway, mainly I'm trying to show you a mindset. When you start approaching women with this mindset, they start taking notice. When you are not intimidated by them getting a little upset and acting as if you missed your chance, you will see you didn't miss your chance you improved your chances.
