[Gordizzle]

They might be worried about the way other people will look and think about you two (I dont know why they do it), but a couple rings and a party wont make as much difference as people think. Dont let it get to you; forget peer pressure and do what you feel. Be true to yourself or you wont be happy

[bobbylight]

Originally Posted by X The Dude X

Some people will diss others that move too quickly and move forward at a fast pace, which no offense you and your girl have done. But if you know deep down that she's the one for you and vice versa, that's all that matters man. I believe shit happens for a reason. Every relationship goes thru its ups and downs. I've read a majority of your threads you've posted, the ones where you asked advice about how to handle certain situations, and the ones where you've talked about friends and now your upcoming child. I don't know you or her personally, but it sounds like you two click and meld in a certain way, and that's good. You two aren't together simply because of looks or lust or money, those are the things that drive relationships and marriages into the gutter, at least in my opinion.

I do suggest that you find a better and higher/paying job. Preferably one with benefits and set in stone hours. Balancing two jobs, its not impossible, but with a girl and child, that shit will be very hard. If I could just throw out a suggestion, look for an office job. I know you've said you don't have a college degree, but those office jobs are out there and available for the grabbing. Pay will be better than what you're making now, you'll have a set schedule, a 9-5 type thing, and benefits, sick leave, vacation time, etc. And if you're wanting to start a family all those things are what you should be looking for with a job.

You say both of your families have money and are willing to help you out. That's nice security to have don't get me wrong, but you don't want to go that route. In dire need, sure, but the two of you should strive to support your own needs.

I'm with you as far as the anti-abortion things goes. The only time I think abortion is ok is in the case of a rape, that's the only time I'd really ok that. But you and her wanting to stick it out and have the child, that's the right thing. It'll be a very huge life changing experience.

We all have our problems, and I'm sure the child and marriage issue will present more problems to you in the future. But keep your head screwed on correctly, do your best, and follow what you believe, and it'll all be good in the long run. I'll crack jokes here and there, but I'm pulling for you man. I come from a broken family with two parents that would love to put a bullet into the others ones head, and I don't wish that shit upon my worst enemy. Definitely marry this girl if you believe its the right thing, which I believe you do. Don't listen to any time table that someone gives you for the marriage though, the two of you will know the right time and place to go about that.

Yeah, thanks a lot man. Good advice. I'm going to look for a full time job, and if I can't do that, then I'm going to try to get a part time job at ups because even for part time they give full benefits.

[AdamG]

Originally Posted by chardog

why do you bring up divorce?

Bobby has already mentioned that he wants to marry this chick... he should do it. Most people that live together and dont marry, break up. Divorce is not what hurts the child, the breakup is what hurts the child. Marriage is a failure in america because we have fucked up cultures, and fucked up people. Pre-Marital cohabitation is probably the worst misconceptions of our current culture.

The whole theory goes: if things work out, then good, if not, I'm gonna bail. That has NOTHING to do with what marriage is supposed to be. That is the opposite of marriage.

Why do I bring up divorce in a thread about a guy discussing marrying a girl he's been dating for a little over a year and has recently impregnated accidentally?

Um, because it's pretty relevant when discussing marriage, regardless of the context.

Divorce doesn't hurt a child but a break up does? They are one in the same.

I agree with you about the pre-marital cohabitation, and didn't move in with my wife until we were engaged. Having a child is a bit different though, and pretty much calls for the mother and father living together if they can.

[Happy Boy]

You have only one real option here Bob. I'm not going to labour the point about the discussions we had before that you should wait til married for sex to begin, that has been done now and there is no undoing it, but from here you do have the opportunity to make it right and to give this kid a family.

You said she is the one, so when you say your vows before the Lord you will mean them. This is the right option, its not for saving face before people, who cares what they think, its about doing what is right before the Lord, it was wrong to go the way you did as Im sure you now know that, but as I said you have a chance to make some amends now do the right thing.

Ignore any talk of abortion, so much wrong with that, not only is it hugely immoral, its the weakest and most limp wristed thing you can do. This is a situation which you guys created, to decide on the immoral escape option is truly cowardly so don't even entertain that.

Wish you all the best, sorry if this comes off as harsh, but reality is the best way to view these things. PM me at any point if you want some advice, I know we've had some good talks before so by all means. You doing the right thing here is a good lesson to teach your kid, that you made some mistakes but you did the right thing to try and make it better. That is a lesson, nobody leads a perfect like but you can try your best to do so.

[chardog]

Originally Posted by bobbylight

Yeah, thanks a lot man. Good advice. I'm going to look for a full time job, and if I can't do that, then I'm going to try to get a part time job at ups because even for part time they give full benefits.

screw getting a full time with your skillset. You need to swallow your pride, go mooch off your parents and get an education. You're still you, regardless of your future kid. Of course, if you're not smart enough for school, then learn a trade or continue the route you are going (look for a big company that can build you).

[Valiss]

This isn't the 1950's. Marriage and having sex have nothing to do with eachother. You just do what you need to take care of your kid and the ones you love. If you guys live eachother then marry her, if you are not ready then rushing it will just lead to divorce.

[DrSatanDracula]

Bobbylight:

I would, and I have talked to her about it. She wants to wait for a while. She has the baby to worry about, and she doesn't want to have a wedding to worry about either. I totally agree with her. We are going to get married soon, but I don't really mind waiting if its what makes her happy. We are very committed to each other either way.

So wait...

You are not the one who is dragging his heels about this?

I Have to admit, I am kind of shocked! Usually the chick wants to do it.

Are you g uys going to for sure get married afterwards?

[DrSatanDracula]

Bobbylight:

Once again I will say this: I have no problem getting married, and after my parents made a big stink about it, and knowing I wanted to get married eventually, I asked her last night, and she said she wanted to wait. Its out of my hands.

I absolve you of personal responsibility for the marriage if she rejects it, by the way. I want to clarify that I have no moral problem with you over this now. You can't well force her to marry you (although you should exert as much pressure as would be appropriate). But................you definitely should get hitched afterwards.

[DrSatanDracula]

ElKarlo:

You can tell your Church that premarital sex was really conceived by the 18/19th cent Catholic Church. Before then it wasn't seen as all that bad. Kinda of silly actually.

This is inaccurate, dog. Read the Bible on fornication, virginity, seduction, et cetera.

10th century BC Judaism.

It was also considered extremely shameful to fuck a non-whore out of marriage in Europe and America until this century.

And going to prostitutes was not to be spoken about, nor having a mistress, or any other situation.

[victorygrappler]

I was about to ask about abortion. already been asked. Sucks to be you at the moment, but theres no point in sulking around (which i can see youre not doing anyway). In this situation you should care about you, your child, and your wife.. (probably in that order). Unless your parents are helping you out significantly in some way I wouldnt care too much about what they think in this case.