 Red Belt
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The 'Concentrate Girl' Saga, Part I
By request of K++s, shido, and nolimits, here's part I of the 'Concentrate Girl' Story. This is the least funny part, but it will set the tone for the others.
OK, here it goes.
So I was friends with this girl Kate in high school. Kate goes off to college and becomes friends with this girl, we'll call her Lindsay (actually, she is named Lindsay) who lived a few towns away from us. I never met Lindsay until the summer before senior year of college. We’re at a party, and I don’t really know anyone, except Kate, and my one friend Jared. I get absolutely destroyed, and talk to Lindsay for a while. Now Lindsay had a really cute face, had HUGE tits, but was carrying about 20lbs too much. Anyway, I don’t know what I said, but she must have been diggin my rap.
A few nights later, a bunch of people are going to the city to bar hop, and we pick up Lindsay last. She took kind of long getting out to the car, so I immediately start ripping on her for it (even though I barely knew her, but I think this is why she liked me – cause I was a dick). So we end up getting shit faced and hooking up at Lemon Bar in the city. Then we’re making out in the car the whole way home, totally weirding out everyone else. We drop her off and I look down at my shirt, and there was gum on the nipple area of my shirt. So I say, “Hey Kate, I think your freak of a friend was trying to suck my nipples,” which I think she was.
That summer, Lindsay was living in the city in the NYU dorms. By coincidence, she was living with a girl I went to high school with, who my buddy Jared was nailing.
So we spent the night there. Lindsay wouldn’t put out because her other roommate was in the room, and Jared wouldn’t bang his chick if Lindsay and I were in that room. I was trying to swing an orgy, and in hindsight, I probably could have convinced everyone to it if Jared wasn’t such a fucking pussy. The most notable part of the evening was when I saw the Dell kid Stephen outside of the dorm wearing leather pants, while some geeky looking student took pictures of him. Also in hindsight, I should have slugged him.
A few days later, I thought maybe I could like Lindsay, so I took her to a movie. The next day I went to Florida, because my firm sent all of us interns down there, partied (funny hook up story there too), and forgot all about her.
So I go back to college. A few months into school, my buddy Jared is like, “Dude you wanna go visit Kate and Lindsay? Kate said Lindsay would probably give you head.” To which I responded, “Huh…OK.”
So we got to visit these ladies at college, go to some local shit hole bar, and get ANNIHILATED. We were so fucking bombed. Fast forward to later in the night. We go back to her friend’s apartment, and the second her friends go out to look for one of their other friends, I was all over her like stink on a monkey. I was getting a little too aggressive considering we were on her friend’s couch, so she told me to stop, and we could go back to her apartment. I go back to Lindsay’s place with her. We’re messing around, I finger bang her, and she’s got her huge tits flopping around. Then she goes down on me. She gives a pretty bad bj. Slow, not deep at all, and no supporting hand action. I have a tough enough time cumming when I'm drunk, and this bj was terrible. After a while, I tell her to stop. Then she asks me a question which made me understand how insecure this chick was, and that I could probably get away with just about anything. “Do you hate me cause I’m a jew?” I looked at her like she was insane, and just said, “WHAT?” Then I told her, no, and that was a ridiculous thing to even ask. I still to this day have no idea where that question came from. So we go to sleep, and say our goodbyes the next day. I didn’t see her for a few months.
Thus ends part I. Part II is way funnier, and is coming up shortly. Patients will be greatly appreciated.
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Headbutt City: population - Mark Coleman.
"i wish i had AIDS so i could bite someone." - lil' jimmy norton
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