Originally Posted by Hoids
Sherk is just more manly than 90% of the population. More Facts:
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Sherk.
Sherk uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks. (New!)
Sherk once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Crop circles are Sherk' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Sherk out. It failed miserably.
Contrary to popular belief, Sherk, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Sherk has 72... and they're all poisonous.
If you ask Sherk what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Sherk drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
When Sherk sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Sherk has not had to pay taxes, ever.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Sherk' fist.
Sherk invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
CNN was originally created as the "Sherk Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
Sherk can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Sherk allows to live.
Sherk once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
What was going through the minds of all of Sherk' victims before they died? His shoe.
Sherk is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Police label anyone attacking Sherk as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
Sherk doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
Sherk doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Sherk and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Sherk will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
Someone once videotaped Sherk getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Masacre.
If you spell Sherk in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Sherk originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Sherk replied, "That's no glitch."
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Sherk once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Sherk played in second grade.
Sherk once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Sherk once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Sherk re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
Sherk has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
Someone once tried to tell Sherk that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Sherktatorship.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Sherk once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
Sherk is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Sherk.
Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Sherk's warm-up exercises.
Sherk is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Sherk turned that wine into beer.
Sherk can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Sherk.
Sherk discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Sherk is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Sherk roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
Sherk doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
The Sherk military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Sherk could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Sherk could use to kill you, including the room itself.
According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Sherk walks.
Sherk does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Sherk gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
When Sherk goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Sherk has breathed on.
Sherk once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Sherk won by 5.
Sherk was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Sherk's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
Sherk sheds his skin twice a year.
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