OT: They Are Coming To Get Me!

**MikeMartial** · 01-26-2007, 01:58 PM

So for the past 6 months or so (since I moved into a new neighborhood), a couple of times a week I get an ominous "knock knock" on my front door. When this happens, I freeze, careful not to make a sound.....

So for whatever reason, I've been targeted by the Jehovah's Witnesses. Right off the bat I'll put out a blanket apology to any that frequent D&S. There's a few of my opinions in here that are NOT conservative.

It seems as soon as I moved into my new house, they came a knockin'. At first, I kept thinking it was my next door neighbor. I mean, only friendly folks that know each other knock, right? Everyone else uses the doorbell. And believe me, I have a big-ass fucking doorbell with a light in the center that just screams "Ring me, mothefucker! I dare you!" Ah-HA! Sneaky trick#1: Knock, and the owners will think it's friends. So I always answered, and listened politely. Nice guys, always bringing a good message, and not pushing any cult like stuff on me. Fair enough.

So about a month and 2-3 visits later, some more JW's show up. Usually it was a young charismatic guy and an older fellow. Not this time. Smoking-HAWT woman in her 20's, olive skin, piercing blue eyes. DAY-um, cumon' in fo' some coffee, honey! Sneaky trick #2: Get the young, attractive one to do the wheelin' n' dealin'. There's always 2 people, and the younger, more attractive of them does the talking, while the older one stands about 3 feet behind the other. No joke.

Anyways, we chit chat, and she gives me The Watchtower, their little newsletter. It's got an article on how the medical community is realizing that blood transfusions "are a bad thing". I get a grin on my face, let her know I work in the medical field, and I'd "surely find this article interesting". She looks a bit worried, and they both leave.

Sidenote, opinion: Now, as far as I'm concerned, a person can actually have an intelligent discussion on if Jesus was actually the son of God. It can be debated even on both sides. To those that don't know, this is what the JW's think (that he wasn't). But telling me that receiving blood from another human being is a bad thing? Fuck, PLEASE! I've seen it save enough lives to know what it does and what it doesn't do. And trying to pitch some anti-blood propaganda my way is a bad fucking idea, man. That just elevated the JW's to cult-status in my books.

I think they sent over a female pair this time because I don't quite fit into the demographic of "Housewife-that-stays-home-and-is-always-around-at-11 AM"

Well, not a day later, and the original young guy/older guy come knockin' on my front door. I let him know that Miss Hottie McHotterson already came by this week, dropped off the blood-propaganda, and this seemed to get him all bent outa shape. Looks like someone at JW Headquarters got their lines crossed. He looks distressed, then asks if he could "come by some other time and talk about some different topics". Warning bells go off all over the fucking place, but I'm just like "yeah sure, whatever".

Y'know the myth on how you have to invite a vampire in before he can actually come in? Yeah.

So since then, I have not answered my door once if I hear a knock. Not ONCE. And let me tell you, they are relentless. Every week, multiple times a week. They ALWAYS seem to catch me either on a day off, or when I'm working nights, and I'm at home during the day. And always around 11 AM. They even pull some weird shit and they'll knock, say at 11, then they'll knock again 20 minutes later. WTF is that shit? Jesus.

Now, I know most of you guys are like "Fuck, Mike, just open the door and tell them to go pound sand up their ass", which, considering everything, would be a perfectly acceptable response. But for some reason I'm now paralyzed everytime I hear that knock.

They are coming to get me, and I'm powerless to follow Rule#1.

**Sinister** · 01-26-2007, 02:05 PM

Best thing I've ever done to JW's:

Invite them to continue the discussion, in the bathtub.

"Jesus! Great! Let's talk about it, wanna take a bath?"

"Yeah as we were...what?"

"Your religion and stuff, sounds great...c'mon get in the bath, we'll talk about it."

Just be glad it wasn't these people. We used to have a guy come into the Oakwood store every other day for almost 2 years who never got tired of pitching this crap at us, and he was downrignt menacing, kept asking questions about wether or not we're satisfied with not maximinizing our potential...whatever the fuck that means.

www.landmarkeducation.com

fanattic · 01-26-2007, 02:09 PM

as far as i know there are only two options i've employed:

tell them off

threaten to spray them with the hose next time, if they call your bluff, go nuts

telling them off ususally works, but sometimes they come back. im not a very mean person, so the hose is as far as i go

**Sonny** · 01-26-2007, 02:12 PM

I just use the same method that my father showed me when I was 6.

"Get the fuck off my porch or I'll park my foot up both your asses!"

**Sonny** · 01-26-2007, 02:20 PM

Slightly OT regarding JW's, but around X-Mas time I was at my Dad's house and this guy knocks on the door. My Dad answers and the guy gives him some story abouth how he's part of the crew building the new house down the street and some kids emptied his gas tank so he needs someone to spot him some cash for gas. AMAZINGLY, my old man gives him 20 BUCKS!!

Anyways. A week later my buddy tells me that some guy came up to his door with the exact same story. My friend lives about 10 minutes away so I told him about what happened with my dad. My bud didn't fall for this guy's story though.

So fast forward a couple weeks later, X-Mas eve at my grandfather's house miles away from my father's house. All the adults are drunk and we're waiting for the rest of the guests to arrive. The doorbell rings so my 6 year old nephew answers, all I hear is "Is your dad or mom home?" The voice sounded familiar. My grandpa goes to the door and in my drunken haze I can hear the same line that I heard weeks prior, "Hey I know this sounds crazy but I'm building the house down the street and some kids emptied my gas tank......" Immediately me and my dad look at each other and dart for the door.

Let's just say the whole "discussion" took place in the front yard with everyone watching.

**MikeMartial** · 01-26-2007, 02:26 PM

^^^^Man, that has beautiful karma written all over it, and that I hope that scamming SOB got what he deserved. Fueled by some alcohol, that could've gotten seriously nasty.

**Sonny** · 01-26-2007, 02:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MikeMartial

^^^^Man, that has beautiful karma written all over it, and that I hope that scamming SOB got what he deserved. Fueled by some alcohol, that could've gotten seriously nasty.

My dad did most of the work. And by work I mean bitch slapping the guy and then punting him in the ass before he could take off. I was too drunk to do anything anyways. We were both wearing our Santa hats though.

deadlyshaolin · 01-26-2007, 03:32 PM

JW's don't come around Washington Heights, New York. They don't like the smell of marijuana wafting through the air, nor the possibility of getting stabbed.

BoxingFanNoMore · 01-26-2007, 05:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MikeMartial

Anyways, we chit chat, and she gives me The Watchtower, their little newsletter. It's got an article on how the medical community is realizing that blood transfusions "are a bad thing". I get a grin on my face, let her know I work in the medical field, and I'd "surely find this article interesting". She looks a bit worried, and they both leave.

Since this is an OT topic, I actually admire JW's stance on Blood transfusions. I don't necessarily agree with them on why they take that stance, but they actually have a lot of valid concerns, that shouldn't just be pushed aside.

JW's brought a lot of attention to artificial blood substitutes, and continue to do so. Some of these concerns such as future supplies were brushed off because of arrogance, and because they believed these were only useful for military purposes, since a national blood supply was already available.

**MikeMartial** · 01-26-2007, 06:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BoxingFanNoMore

Since this is an OT topic, I actually admire JW's stance on Blood transfusions. I don't necessarily agree with them on why they take that stance, but they actually have a lot of valid concerns, that shouldn't just be pushed aside.

JW's brought a lot of attention to artificial blood substitutes, and continue to do so. Some of these concerns such as future supplies were brushed off because of arrogance, and because they believed these were only useful for military purposes, since a national blood supply was already available.

Valid concerns? Sure, maybe a supply issue is a valid concern, but until they actually develop a fully artifical form of hemoglobin that we don't have to type and cross-match, transfusions are still going to be the mainstream in medicine. And I think the military has more to do with advancing science in the artifical blood area than the JW's do.

If they (the JW church) had genuine concerns about supply, they should get every church memeber to donate.

I'm highly skeptical of any motives or literature they publish, especially when they try and push it based on "medical recommendations", which is plain crap.

I'm not sure what there is to admire about a religion that tries to stop lives from being saved.