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To add to Yannick's previous statement,
1. Driving is dangerous. you could die or even get hurt like, really bad and stuff. Not only that, but Kieth Richards drives and as we all know, Kieth Richards has been dead for the better part of a decade. Stay off the road or Kieth Richards will kill you.
2. Eating can kill you. Seriously, you could choke and die. You name a food, and I'll tell you how it can kill you. Chicken, you say? Salmonella. Fish? Choke on a bone. Jello? You could fall in a vat of it and drown. Stop eating or you will die.
3. Breathing is the worstest of all. Especially this time of year. There's like, a lot of bacteria and stuff in the air. I know because I used to breath. It was horrible. I almost died once when I walked past a Red Lobster dumpster in mid July.
I know what you're thinking. "So Bacon, how do we live out our lives in complete safety?"
Glad you asked. First, get an iron lung. They're expensive (mine cost me like, 500,000 marlboro miles) but soooo worth it. Then, put the iron lung in an oxygen tent. Since you can't drive while using an iron lung in like 47 of 53 states, you're like, throwing rocks at birds or some shit...or is it killing birds with 2 stones....Anyways, then you have to stop eating. It's kinda hard at first but you get used to it. I get all my sustenance from twice daily shakes consisting mostly of wheat grass and my own urine.
I hope this helps all of you live a safe and full life,
Love Bacon.
PS. Safety is an illusion. Name an activity and I'll give you a risk associated with doing it. That said, live your life how you want. No one is making you lift.
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"I still have an asshole, assholes!"
-Tobias
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