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WhatChaWeigh? guy:
Whenever he taps to something, he asks what his opponent weighs. If its even 200 grams more than him, he nods as if to suggest that he only lost due to weight mismatch. He has probably asked you your weight at least once a week for the past year. (Note that when this guy fights smaller people, he forgets to ask)
BackFromGym Guy:
Seems to only come to class on days he has worked out at the gym. Lets you know that he is tired and weak from his work out. Makes sure you know exactly how much he benched that day.
The Tough-Ole-Bastid:
This is the guy who started later in life but despite his age, he is tougher than 90f the twenty-somethings. He can get kneed in the head, kicked in the groin, or have his arm near torn off, and barely grimace as he continues to grapple (often against someone a lot bigger).
The Tougher-Older-Bastider:
This is the guy who started even later in life and despite a host of injuries, does 1hr of circuit training before class, grapples all the good/big folks in class despite being injured, and then bikes the 20 miles home telling everyone hell see them tomorrow for morning class.
The Bleeder:
This guy got a mat burn the first time he rolled and has been knocking off the scab every time since.
The Can you Show that Again? Guy:
This guy never has a good enough angle when the instructor demonstrates the move. Once the drilling begins, he usually has to watch the people next to him do the move at least two or three times before attempting it himself. He sometimes resorts to calling the instructor over and asking a question before he even attempts the move.
The Lazy Possum:
This guy has some skills but he fights really lazy and defensively most of the time and you think you have his number. But on occasion when theres an audience or some chick watching he decides to bring his A game and youre in a world of surprise, the guy suddenly becomes Marcelo Garcia.
The Gassing Giant:
This guy is an ex-power lifting bouncer type who throws you around for 5 minutes, but then winds up on his back and as soon as you think to yourself now its my turn he suddenly becomes too exhausted to continue and quickly says lets take a break man.
Sack of Knees and Elbows Guy:
A squirmy bastard, usually an explosive athlete, you dominate this guy, but you feel like someone put you in a sack full of knees and elbows and started to shake it violently. After rolling, you are bruised up, if not cut.
The Kung Fu Grandmaster:
He always reassures you in the fact that he is a blackbelt in some traditional style , as you start to roll he grabs you with a death grip from hell and will never pull guard , even after two years of training. You pull guard and sweep him with a basic butterfly guard because if you pull closed guard he just grabs and pinches your arms making it not worth your effort. You pass his guard and mount, and even after being told 253 times that you cannot wrist lock a guy and throw him off from the bottom mount, he tries it again, and you start salivating from his arm being extended as you slowly move into the armlock.
The Judoka:
Similar to the name that sub guy, but this one names the sub in Japanese yep, thats juji-gatame and every time the instructor shows a technique he nods his head and names it in Japanese.
The Heel Hook Hero:
This guy has no idea how to pass the guard and he doesnt want to learn. All he wants is to fall back and do his best Ken Shamrock impression. When he meets someone who wont fall for it he convinces himself that he can beat the guy if he just trains a few more leg locks.
Rigor Mortis Guy:
His plan is to not let you do anything you want to, by grabbing your sleeve, pants or whatever and holding them at arms length. He doesnt really care if he gets swept or not - as long as his arms remain frozen stiffhes won!
Parkinsons Guy:
A close relative to Rigor Mortis Guy He displays the same brilliant strategy, but makes it extra special by shaking violently due to muscular fatigue.
Commando Guy:
Thinks that all forms of underwear restrict his game and hence chooses to go without. Nothing like a testicle rubbing on your inner thigh to freak you out and let him pass with ease. (Does help sharpen your north/south position escapes though.)
Kaji-Kempo or Japanese Jiu-jitsu guy:
Lets you work on your inferior BJJ techniques and wants to only work on his BJJ techniques as well, but has no problem telling you that if you were really rolling he would have done a wristlock to escape but he knows his techniques are superior so he doesn't need to work on them.
Stinky Guy:
We all know one. Take an f***ing shower once in a while.
Nail Guy:
Looks like you just rolled with Freddy Kruger afterwards.
Preparation Guy:
this guy takes 30 minutes to get ready back-stage while the class is doing pushups. He tapes every finger and toe with medical tape for some reason.
Positive Reinforcement Guy:
Taps you 10 times in 6 minutes and then goes man, youre getting a lot better.
The Class-Size Regulator:
every now and then, when the class gets too big and the instructor starts making money, this monster comes around and injures about 20 dudes- resulting in a much more comfortable training environment for all.
Dumb as a Rock Guy:
you try to teach him a technique and he just wont get it. After 3 month of drilling upa, hell say: ok, what arm do I grab again?
Faux Gay Guy:
He finds it humorous to act gay and scare people on the mat with it. He is known to tie his t-shirt under his gi, or challenge other people while lisping on the mat. Sometimes he will make sexual gestures while rolling while rolling while the victim has no clue why the rest of the class is laughing. He often requests the instructor to put on 80s new wave when he turns on the radio.
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